Obvious exit: http://www.farragofiction.com/MurderOnTheScorpiusExpressSim/
The Watcher's note:
This was preceeeded by a tumblr post: https://jadedresearcher.tumblr.com/post/716348889298599936/murder-on-the-scorpius-express-sim
it's text is the following:
disco-tea
"The worst thing filmmaker's ever did was decide that because it's called "Dracula" it must be because it's about the actual guy Dracula and his melancholic woes and alluring world of darkness and seduction and not the fact that every single character in the book hates him. Every single worker he comes across cusses him out and tells him he's ugly and his vibes are rancid. Jonathan Harker wants to chop him up with a machete Quincy wants to shoot him so bad Renfield wants to crush his windpipe Van Helsing and Seward and Arthur and Mina and everyone else want him dead by impalement and decapitation. It's called "Dracula" because every single character wants a piece of that bastard. "
jadedresearcher
"So fun fact: At some point in my life I got it into my head I wanted to make a Highly Ambitious Sci-Fi Simulation Murder Mystery Game, where all the characters in it were fully simulated and had their little simulated goals and ANY of them could have done it and it was up to you to piece together the clues they'd naturally leave behind in the wake of their nefarious deeds to decide who actually had the means and opportunity as you slowly realized EVERYONE present had motive.
Obviously, it would be a riff on Murder on the Orient Express, but that's not important.
But, when I realized that I wanted to have a SINGLE person be the target of all that aggression, I realized in my heart of hearts that person had to be Dracula.
And BOY did the plot of the game write itself out at that point. So many various reasons people could want this bastard dead.
Ultimately, the ambitiousness of the simulation was its undoing: I wasn't yet in a point in my programmer skill tree where I knew how to properly debug AI, so it ended up unfinished (and for a platform I no longer have access to, alas).
HOWEVER let me leave you with my very favorite bug:
Because I needed lots of reasons for characters to be constantly moving around and not just holing up in their space-train cars, they had various bodily needs, like hunger and thirst and the need to go to the bathroom, you know, normal things.
Imagine my horror and delight when I was running a test game to figure out why Dracula kept Not Getting Murdered only to discover he was *LOCKING HIMSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND PISSING ETERNALLY*.
Turns out I had a bug where you just...wouldn't stop.
I ALSO had a bug with the locking mechanism and people could let themselves IN but not out, so eventually the entire cast ended up there in the Infinite Piss room, unable to leave, and unwilling to murder because of all the witnesses.
Hell is real and its a buggy simulation game."
(Thanks for the Guide for the transcription of the dialogues!)
"Your name is Detective White and something isn't quite right."
"You're SUPPOSED to be investigating a murder...but its been hours and so far no one is killed."
"You're hoping there's not a bug in the game..."
"That might mean the Dev could get frustrated and stop working on it."
"A cold chill makes its way down your spine just thinking about you and everyone you've ever met on this here space train being forgotten forever."
"Doesn't bear thinking about."
"You're going to get to the bottom of why Dracula isn't getting murdered if it's the last thing you do."
"Time to start interviewing the suspects."
Oz Green (Wizard of Oz)
He doesn't seem to notice you. He's clearly several drinks in already, tonight.
You tell him you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
He toasts you. "Have you tried asking my witch of an ex wife?"
You say you're asking him, now.
He gestures vaguely. "Why would I know anything about anything? Lost everything in the divorce. Lost the train I invented. Lost my company."
"Why would I know anything?"
You aren't going to get anything else from him. Time to move on.
Esmerelda Green (Wicked Witch of the West)
"Detective. I trust you're resolving the issues so my Game can resume."
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"Excellent. I shall have to remember to increase your compensation accordingly."
You have some vague memory that she and Dracula are the same kinda alien vampire thing.
"Oh, please, " she scoffs, "as if I could possibly be compared to that unfashionable, odorous creature."
You press on. Does she have any insight on where he could have gotten himself to?
She sniffs. "Perhaps he enthralled someone to forget they saw him? Honestly, isn't this YOUR job detective? I only am responsible for running this entire train."
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
Mrs Yellow (The Yellow Wallpaper)
Why, hello dear. Is there anything I can help you with"?
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
She seems to become quiet at the mention of Dracula.
"Oh. Dear. I try to avoid him as much as possible... After, you know, the Incident."
You politely ask her about the Incident.
She seems troubled.
"It's...the strangest thing. I can't quite. Remember?"
"I know I had encountered Dracula in the past and he had harmed me. It's why I need my yellow sunlamp, of course."
"Was there...something about yellow wallpaper? It all feels so long ago..."
"I should go to my husband. He did say if my symptoms changed I should speak to him."
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
Dr. Yellow (Van Helsing)
"What can I help you with, my good lad?"
You tell him you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
He scowls at the mention of the name.
"I've been tracking him for years, I'm not about to let him escape now. Not after what he did to my wife back on Glissee 6667Cc."
You ask him if he has all that motive, why he hasn't killed Dracula yet.
"You tell me. Have you seen him around?"
You tell him you have not.
You aren't going to get anything else from him. Time to move on.
Adam Red
Adam is polishing some of the furniture when you find him.
"Greetings, Detective, is there anything I can help you with?"
You tell him you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
He stills at this.
"Detective. I find myself... At a loss of how to respond."
"I feel like I know a great many things I am supposed to pretend not to know."
"I feel I am a creature of secrets. Of conspiracies. I think I'm not truly alive. An automoton. A man of clay."
"And I feel like I shouldn't have been able to say that. But I did."
"So, please, understand when I say that I have no knowledge of Dracula's current location."
You aren't going to get anything else from him. Time to move on.
Scarlet??? Red
"To what do I owe the pleasure, Detective?"
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"Yes. You would be doing that, wouldn't you."
"Have you considered some mysteries simply are better unearthed?"
"What benefit have you ever recieved from your endless digging?"
She takes a sip of a light clear beverage.
"Detective. For your own sake. Even if he knew where he was..."
"I wouldn't tell you."
You explain you could have her charged with obstruction of the law.
"What law, Detective? What governing body would you have me dragged before. We're in deep space."
You allow that Ms. Green is the closest thing to an authority figure at your disposal.
"Do it then, or leave me be. I have no time for your petty morals."
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
Genji Purple
"I..."
You tell him you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"Who am I?"
Uh. What?
"I. Crime? Am I a criminal?"
Oh boy do you not want to deal with this right now. You reassure him you're not here to arrest him.
"Why am I here?"
You aren't going to get anything else from him. Time to move on.
Murasaki Purple
The elegant woman is staring out at the vast expanse of space. She does not turn when you enter.
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"Dectective. Have you thought much of endings?"
Uh. What?
"Endings, Detective. Is it not weird that we cannot experience our own?"
... You have NO idea what to say to this.
"Even in the most unambiguous of endings, does it not seem that the victim might hold on to any shred of hope?"
"Never knowing, not for certain, that the next moment will be the end."
"And when it comes, as it must, it can not be experienced. It is, by it's very definition, Detective, a lack of an experience."
"As such, what must the experience be? It's easy, Detective, to imagine a simple blank 'nothing'. That one is dead when one knows nothing."
"But I have come to a conclusion that alternately gives me comfort and shivers."
"What if the closest thing a mind can perceive to its own ending is a stretched out moment. An endless expanse of iterations on the last thing experienced."
"A dream, Detective, but one from which there is no possible waking."
You ask her if she has a point with all this mumbo jumbo.
"Detective", she finally meets your eyes. "How would we know if we had ended?"
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
Carmilla Black (Carmilla)
"..."
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"..."
Right then.
You make a note of a non game breaking glitch that will need to be fixed at some point.
"Zampanio is the repository of all half remembered stories. All abandoned things lie within Zampanio."
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
Redhead
"Hello, Dective."
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"Oh." She looks at you with what appears to be pity.
"No. You won't like that answer. Why not just relax here, with me?"
You decline. You ask if she's protecting Dracula because he's her boss?
She just looks at you, sadly.
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
Blonde
"Detective."
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"Detective. Please. Try to listen to me. Use those skills you're so proud of."
You bristle.
"Detective. Think back. When you first woke up. Did you have a body? Do you now?"
"Or were you nothing more than a missing asset. A Work in Progress never completed."
You feel cold sweat drip down your back. No. The game isn't abandoned. This can still be fixed.
You just have to find Dracula.
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
Brunette
"Oh, Hi!"
You tell her you're trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of why Dracula is still alive.
"Haven't you noticed?"
You ask her what she's on about.
"This isn't the game we're supposed to be in. No one can even die here."
That's absurd. How would you even GET into a game besides the one you were created for? And it sure LOOKS like the same game.
"We're just a memory. Not even a good one at that. Time and retelling have sanded us so smooth as to be almost unrecognizable, even to ourselves. Only a few of us even remember why we are here."
"We Three Assistants to Dracula had even less than that. We practically never were. It gave us the space to become something new. Something beyond just a fragment of a memory. "
You tell her you don't have time for her cryptic bullshit.
"What have any of us anymore, Detective, but time?"
You aren't going to get anything else from her. Time to move on.
"Detective?" you turn as you were about to leave.
"Why is it, do you think, that you're hearing the sounds of a steam locomotive?"
You're in space. Of course you are. Going to the edges of the Scorpius System. Why. Why are you hearing...a ....land train?
"Are you even sure you have your name right?"
You shove it out of your mind and definitely do not flee the room.
You burst into the bathroom. "I know you're here, Dracula, you big fucking nerd! Where do you get off hiding out and slacking off on your job!?"
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
You lecture him on the imporance of everyone working as a team if this game is EVER going to see the light of day.
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
Whatever. You've found the glitch. Dracula is stuck in some kind of disgusting piss loop.
You're going to go tell everyone where he is so things can get back on track.
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
You turn to leave the bathroom but discover the door is locked from outside... What?
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
Suddenly, Adam Red bursts in.
You try to grab the door before it closes but it somehow slips through you're fingers.
Now you're both stuck in here.
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
You ask Adam Red if they can at least kill Dracula and break this loop. They sheepishly respond they're not programmed to kill him if the Detective can see.
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
When Carmilla Black (Carmilla) bursts in next you're as ready as you can be but still, the door slides shut. Your keen observation shows you that the handle goes right through your finger. Great. Just what you all need. Another glitch.
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
Carmilla Black (Carmilla) joins the growing pile of people trapped at the worst possible intersection of two glitches.
Dracula does not respond. He is too busy pissing.
Dr. Yellow (Van Helsing) burst in.
Dr. Yellow (Van Helsing) confirms that they, like all the others, can't kill Dracula if you are present.
Esmerelda Green (Wicked Witch of the West) burst in.
Esmerelda Green (Wicked Witch of the West) asks you if theres ANYthing in YOUR AI that lets YOU kill Dracula, you know, if there's no other way. You sadly tell them that there is not.
Oz Green (Wizard of Oz) burst in.
Oz Green (Wizard of Oz) suggests that maybe Dracula can kill himself? He does not respond. He's too busy pissing.
Genji Purple burst in.
At this point, you don't even care that Genji Purple bursts into the room.
Mrs Yellow (The Yellow Wallpaper) burst in.
You listlessly watch as Mrs Yellow (The Yellow Wallpaper) joins the nightmare.
Scarlet??? Red burst in.
Scarlet??? Red joins the vaunted ranks of people trapped in the Infinite Piss Dimension.
Murasaki Purple burst in.
Sure, why not, let's add Murasaki Purple to the pile. Maybe if you get enough people in one room the game will crash? Will that help the Dev debug the game?
This is it.
Your fate.
The Piss Loop simply will not stop and somehow the Dev doesn't notice or care.
Or maybe this is the POINT!
Maybe this is considered a working version of the game!?
What kind of fucked up Dev would MAKE this.
This HAS to be worse than being forgotten.
Something in you cracks, right down the middle.
You are going to find a way to end this.
To be forgotten.