You know, I didn't ask for any of this, now did I?

Who would?

You see the chess master, the mastermind in some tv show and you what, root for them? Wish you were that clever?

Pathetic.

But maybe that's for the best.

People would worry 'bout me if they knew how much this fuckin' sucked. People like my best friend. People like my lil Bro.

You think I LIKE holding the leash of some kind of horror movie monster?

If you had any idea how hard she was to control... And oh yes, I have to control her. Or she kills some dipshit four year old who pushed me into the sand at recess. Or she kills some wanna be thug shakin' me down for money in middle school.

And you think I was just spoilin' for OPTIONS, being some eight year old with a savior complex? You think i coulda pulled a gun on her to make her behave?

Nah.

So I learned to talk.

Real good.

She's easy to control, all things considered. Offer an egg, offer an explanation for whys the other guy is pathetic. Scared. Sad. She'll back off.

Nah, it's the other guys I gotta control. Make the whole fuckin' playground jerk around to MY strings so they never push me in the first place. Keep everything workin' all nice and simple, for EVERYBODY'S benefit.

And do I get thanks? Do I get "Oh Boss, it sounds like its so hard to bes you!"? Do I get a "Oh Boss, anything you need to make your life fuckin' easier?"?

Nah.

Of course fuckin' not.

Everyone thinks is SO fuckin' great to be in charge.

To be RESPONSIBLE.

Take my lil Bro, right?

I'm not calling them that stupid fuckin' name.

You see, I take care of them. Keep 'em safe. Keep the monster on my leash away from them unless she's promisin' to behave real good. Look human and everythin' so my lil Bro don't gotta deal with all the shit I do.

And what do I get?

My best FUCKIN' friend, my Right Hand man, helps them wander off on some kind of MURDER MYSTERY QUEST, along with my fuckin' PET MONSTER right out from under my nose!

Some fucking mastermind *I* am, you get what I'm saying? But noooo, it's always "Boss, you gotta let up on the kid, you're stiflin' them!"

Clearly not enough.

So when I notice, I'm real worried like, right? Just imaginin' all the carnage my pet monster is causing while slipped off the leash. Worried 'bout my lil bro getting hurt. Getting scared.

'Bout them findin' out shit you can't exactly unknow, if you take my drift.

Turns out I wasn't worried enough.

They come back in a rush, through one of those fucky monster vents, my lil bro is bleeding and ...

Fuckin?

RENAMED?

Doesn't even realize it! What fuckin' kind of name is "Twig" anyways. Sounds like something you'd call a dog.

Nobody seems to see the thread tied their to throat either. Goes all the way back to that stupid theme park they thought was SO important to run off to.

So I gets real FUCKIN' mad.

Says shit like "do you have any idea how worried I was", cuz it's not like I can TELL them the fucked up CURSE or who the fuck knows they're now under? Not and keep them all innocent and out of the loop like. Not and keep them safe from my pet monster.

So do I get a "Real sorry for worrying you, Boss" from literally ANYONE involved? No. 'Course not.

So I sends my lil Bro to a party with a Family we're working to bring tighter to us. Figure no use getting mad, so may as well remind everyone EXACTLY who they work for.

And my lil Bro goes missing.

So yeah.

I'm real fuckin' angry.

And when my Spiders finish tracking them down, I think it's time we had Words.