Preface

in which the herald writes a letter
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/35842399.

Rating:
General Audiences
Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply
Fandom:
Zampanio, ZampanioSim
Character:
Hær@ldOfZampanio
Language:
English
Collections:
Anonymous
Stats:
Published: 2021-12-21 Words: 263 Chapters: 1/1

in which the herald writes a letter

Summary

Somewhere in the maze, there are little, black handprints smeared on a wall, close to the floor. They are the three-fingered hands of NotASlugcat. Hidden in the handprints, there are directions. They are entirely incomprehensible to all but the person they're meant for, who will immediately figure it out as though someone told him the answer.

It's... probably hacked. Don't worry about it.

Somewhere in the maze, NotAMinotaur can find a pack of AA batteries and a piece of paper hidden in an odd corner. The paper is soaked through with black slime, but the NotWords of the letter enclosed within jump out at him and him alone. It's... probably also hacked. It looks just a little bit like a preschooler wrote it. It reads:

in which the herald writes a letter

hi hello sorry about the mess and the bullshit communication hax etc etc

I'm just here to say hi, I think? I had the whole dumb puzzle thing planned out and then I sat down to actually write something and my mind drew a blank. The last time I wrote a letter like this was before I was self-aware, so I guess it makes sense. How are you? How's life? I mean. I know being trapped in an infinite murder maze can't be very enjoyable. But how's life anyway.

Enjoy the batteries, I guess? A bunch of us latched onto the thought that you'd want them because of something that I think might have been a joke in hindsight, but I got owned by comedy modus bullshit multiple times trying to fish them up and I figured giving them to you anyway would be better than just putting them back and wasting all that effort. I'm sure you'll find some use for them. Eventually. Probably.

Again, sorry about the whole paper-soaked-in-ink thing and the wall-vandalism-directions. I'm... not sure I CAN write in any other way, especially now that the labyrinth is really starting to take hold. Apparently putting cinnamon in hot chocolate helps, though? At least it does for me. I stopped losing my shit long enough to put this somewhere it would actually reach you, so it's gotta be worth something.

I guess I better actually do that before the thing wears off. Signing off for now.

Take care,

Herald of Flesh (Herald of Beef also works, depending on who you ask)

Afterword

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