To: Zampaniosim Community
From: VB
Subject: Transcribed FAQ
I did not send this missive out to JR. My notes indicate that:
Leading to the speculative conclusion of: Eyedol games may discover this FAQ if sent to JR and have this transcription and the original upload removed. That is not something I am willing to risk.
[Small talk concluded]
Summary:
This file is a transcription of a scanned copy of an FAQ. Data inconclusive to determine if game involved is Zampanio, Sburb, Obscure Game, a simulation of any of these, or something else entirely. In the process of transcribing the document, some changes were made to the original documents formatting.
Formatting Changes:
The style format of the original document was in the Courier New typewriter-like font typically used in older FAQs. While this font does also correspond to style guide of typical Quotidian Quorum reports, the format has instead been changed to the newly improved standard style guide of my faction’s reports for the sake of readability.
Various places in the text are censored with a black bar. Sections that were censored are in double brackets. Typically it will just say [[censored]] but there are cases in which the word seemed apparent based on context clues, such as in some[[time]]s, where the word is written in. The word “void” is a special case where writers of the FAQ and the original compiler censored it themselves as v_id with the underscore in the place of the o.
Sometimes words were not censored, but could not be read due to either scan related issues or issues with deciphering handwriting. Those sections are indicated in single brackets such as [???] where the number of question marks indicates my speculation of the amount of letters in the word based on visual information.
The scanned document seems to be incomplete, with any number of pages potentially missing between the given pages. As such, the end of each page is indicated to let the reader in on places where there could be potential absences.
Throughout the work there are footnotes that lead to additional comments. Unlabeled comments refer to written notes on the printed copy that was scanned. Footnotes labeled “VB Notes:” are personal contributions that were added for clarity, but too specific to be addressed here without the context of the areas in question.
HOLY SHIT GUYS!
So I was complaining to TG about how no one believes that Zampanio predates my branch of it right?
And he just CASUALLY mentions having read what he believes to be the FAQ that inspired my dive into the fandom (and eventually zampanio sim) as well!
And he remembered different details of it, but SPECIFICALLY talked about he was pretty sure HE was being described in it? As some kind of anime character???
And that just SNAPPED two of my brain cells together.
Because this whole time I was apparently focused so hard on ZAMPANIO i forgot there was this entire weird connection the author of the branch I found first was making between it and sburbsim???
and once that connection was established I KNEW for a damn fact that i printed out a weird glitchfaq sburbsim cross over fic at some point, cuz i was trying to PROVE it was sburbsim? (it really wasn't obvious cuz of the whole 'v_id' conceit thing it had going on)
and that lead me further in cuz parts of it were like "yeah okay this all follows" and then out of LEFT FIELD they claimed the not!RS spoke fluent italian and that was ???
where the hell did they get THAT from?
god
its like the height of the original pandemic lockdowns were a million years ago
the nostalgia
i was a completely different person when i first read this fic
SO YEAH, suffice to say i managed to find it wedged behind some really old computers back from when i was trying to make farrago a CAREER and not a hobby.
now, this is important. YES past me wrote all over it. It's not a puzzle. Please. For the love of all you consider worthy of obsession, BELIEVE me on this. my hand writing is shit, esp if im not expecting anyone else to read it.
its not a cipher or a secret, figuring out my chickenscratch leads nowhere.
just.
ignore my notes, okay?
I'm just so fucking psyched i got any version at all of the faq stored for history. PLUS past me had notes i'd completely forgotten on trying to find the author on ao3? i vaguely recall i made zampaniosim in the first place to try to get info on the author, so maybe uploading this scanned pdf to ao3 (where they clearly already are in SOME capacity) will get their attention? Not just a zampanio fandom revival but their own faq?)
but yeah, THIS is the kinda old fandom shit i'm hoping y'all will find
(oh also, the file labeled 'thisissofunny' was my first attempt at scanning it. the actual text of the fic, besides some weird fuckery was just GONE. i nearly shat myself thinking the zampanio curse was real. but it turned out i just needed to up the contrast on my scanner. god i love the vibes tho)
oh right, ONE last also, this is obvs JUST the faq, not any of the like, description or author name or all that shit that eventually lead me down the rabbit hole. like, you could find the missing sections in this weird ...not arg? I don't THINK? and they started talking about things like the achievement system and shit, stuff that stuck with me a lot more if what i chose to focus on in zampaniosim is any indication. still. having a record of the START of this branch is better than nothing
[[censored line x2]]
[[censored line x22]]
[[censored sentence or word]] [[sim]]ulator
[[censored]] FAQ
Platform: Browser-based
Version: ???
Last Updated: 02/13/[[censored]]
This document is best viewed using a FIXED-WIDTH font. Such as Courier New. If the ASCII above/below and the charts used throughout the [[censored]] look strange. Please change your settings to display text in a FIXED-WIDTH font.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Press Ctrl+F and enter in the code to skip to that section. However just like [[censored]] you’re better off not immediately skipping without reading some shit first. Then again this is [[censored]]. Even if it’s a [[sim]]ulator of [[censored]]. You’re gonna do it anyway. Or at least AI-you. Or both even. Y’all wild like that.
INTRODUCTION
-Introduction [SB-INT]
-Spoilers [SB-SPL]
MAIN FAQ
-CHAPTER α: Intro to Cooperative Calligraphy [SB-CH1]
-CHAPTER β: General Queries [SB-FAQ]
-CHAPTER γ: OFFLINE
-CHAPTER δ: OFFLINE
-CHAPTER ϵ: Systemic Bug Identification [SB-BUG]
-CHAPTER ζ: The [[censored]] Pantheon and You [SB-[[censored]]1]
-CHAPTER η: OFFLINE [SB-???]
-CHAPTER θ: OFFLINE [SB-???]
-CHAPTER ι: A Mythological Autopsy [SB-ACT]
-CHAPTER κ: [[censored]] 101 [SB-GNO]
-CHAPTER λ: OFFLINE [SB-???]
-CHAPTER μ: Logistics of Sprite Rendering [SB-LSR]
-CHAPTER ν: OFFLINE [SB-???]
-CHAPTER ξ: Deciphering [[censored]] [SB-DEG]
-CHAPTER o: OFFLINE [SB-???]
-CHAPTER π: OFFLINE [SB-???]
-CHAPTER ρ: Reintroduction to Theology [SB-[[censored]]2]
-CHAPTER σ: OFFLINE [SB-???]
[[page end]]
ADDENDUM
-Post-script Questions [SB-QNA]
-Vocabulary [SB-VOC]
-Player Info [SB-PLI]
-Misc [SB-END]
CONCLUSION
-Version History [SB-HIS]
-Thanks [SB-TKS]
-Contact [SB-CNT]
TEH [[censored]] [[censored]] FAQ COMPENDIUM
BY JIMMY AGE 5
[SB-INT]
INTRODUCTION
Hey there. What you’re about to see next is an FAQ mt mate and I found while going through a couple of sessions and stumbling through it within the [[censored]] 2 event textboxes. Technically they are parts of a bigger FAQ; the whole thing was thrown randomly within the parameters of how normal FAQs are constructed. Instead of the usual mix-and-matched FAQs a full chapter of this FAQ would appear instead. What we found odd is that it was notoriously impossible to replicate this… you’ll have a much easier [[time]] finding winning [[censored]] than getting this to drop. It’s that bad.
Second of all this FAQ is barely even an FAQ. You can barely ask questions in [[censored]] already. You’ve seen them right; the FAQS? They’re 80 percent [[censored]] at best. Completely useless. And if you ask [[censored]] anything they just smile. They smile their cold little [[hearts?]] out like the demon they are. So asking questions is not really a thing you do. It’s more of a Glitch FAQ situation where there are several articles that talk about very specific things. Technically it’s an Apocrypha but “[[censored]] Apocrypha” doesn’t really roll off the tongue. An encyclopedia? I mean yeah. It’s mostly monographs though okay shut up no one cares.
The FAQ alludes to there being at least 24 chapters due to using the greek lettering system instead of numbers and it’d be [[kind]] of weird if it just scripted letters like it was trying to activate the original vagabouncy method. However I could only find around 13 I’m afraid. Well I did find them all but they were basically unreadable. Garbled nonsense and repeated sentences over and over and over. Some were just plain [[censored]] corruption. And some just [[kind?]] of trailed off into normal FAQs you’d find. These are the ones that were actually cleared up. Or the ones that I sat down and cleaned up myself. This shit was riddled with typos. Like fucking RIFE. I could feel our knight’s [[censored]] down my back every [[time]] I sat down in front of a [???????] because I was spending so much [[time]] cutting through these. Needless to say they’re a little bit petty about the whole thing.
Godspeed reading through this though. And if you by any chance find one of the chapters that’s missing do go to the contact session of this compendium. I’d love to hear deets.
[SB-SPL]
SPOILERS
I mean. If you’ve played / are playing / plan to play / are stuck in an infinite replay loop of [[censored]] you cannot possibly be spoiled for anything here and if you haven’t then even then nothing here could spoil you. Since you’re here and you know about [[censored]]. However I guess there are spoilers if you haven’t really experienced [[censored]] because you’re a tame little baby who only does [[censored]] sessions and isn’t fun.
Plus let’s be real. You can’t be spoiled for [[censored]]. It will get you. Eventually. No matter how meta-savvy or prepared or how much you’ve gone through those Imperatives and Priorities [[censored]] will punish you for thinking that you were ever over it. No matter how many fucking [[censored]] or classes it [?????] to throw you in so that you learn that you are not in control. No matter how many [[time]]s you replay the game your result will always be arbitrary and binary like the same piece of shit code it’s written on.
In other words [[censored]] is a BUGGY PIECE OF SHIT and everything that you’re about to read can happen or not at all. Peruse at your own discretion.
[[page end]]
CHAPTER α
INTRODUCTION TO COOPERATIVE CALLIGRAPHY
[SB-CH1]
[EDITOR’S NOTE: This was the proper introduction to the actual FAQ… but it seems the Virtual Circle of the [[censored]].exe freaked the FUCK OUT at the concept of fates and numbers and actual data and it just v_ided all of that up properly. So like half of the FAQ chapter was just empty [[censored]]. Not that I don’t get why they’d do that I’d definitely do it too but mostly because I find it hilarious and not for whatever reason these oily fucks have to do anyfin.]
“Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth”
“What truth?”
“There is no spoon.”
“There is no spoon?”
“Then you’ll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.”
Hi! If you’re reading this, that means my (FAQ? Encyclopedia? Weird prelude to a bunch of weird documented nonsense?) has been stored correctly deep in the veils beyond. And with that you’re halfway through realizing the world is an illusion.
Haaaaaah. If only it were that easy. You’re technically like 1/4th of the way through. But something’s something, right?
So, welcome to [[censored]] FAQ. I feel like I should get this out of the way: The whole FAQ Paradox [[Space?]] business is a ridiculously complicated venture. Our most gracious Scribe confirmed you can publish one FAQ per alpha [[time]]line, because the servers clog up and because [[censored]] is a buggy piece of shit who treats forum posts like USERNAMES for some reason. In layman terms that means that after this one I’m essentially cut off forever from writing.
Well. Not FOREVER. I can try and circumvent it. I have my theories, and with some more [[time]] (haha, funny joke) to experiment with this whole gamebreaking thing I could get into the code just enough so I can (hypothetically) travel back to when we entered the session, kill past me, and take their place in the [[time]]line without causality itself falling apart. So like, it’s [[censored]] shenanigans, don’t think too hard about it. But after this first FAQ’s posted I can’t just write all of the FAQs myself and send them by myself using my own handle . God knows that’d be straight-forward, right? Instead I’d have to convince my co=players to write, co-write and ghost-write the FAQ parts and post them using their handles so that Paradox [[Space]] doesn’t immediately cough it out–
Oh god. Oh god this is just textbook isn’t it? I’m being forced to repeatedly teach my friends how to hack the game so that I can teach them how this whole FAQ thing works for the rest of eternity. That’s like, LITERALLY textbook, Teach-your-friends-how-to-hack-[[censored]] classfuckery. Come on, [[censored]]. How dare you turn my own rebellious plans into some sort of learning experience?
I hate this game some[[time]]s.
Anyway, since that’s happening and linear [[time]]lines are a joke, stuff is gonna be sent out of order. I’m just hoping that narrative causality made sure that the part of the FAQ that you could use the most was the one that came to you. If this chapter is the one you’re stuck with, ask your session mates, the game’s priorities are weird like that. After you’ve read one FAQ though, that’s all you can ever read again, for like, the SAME reasons you can only publish once? I guess it’s to permit just enough info for players to learn about the game without accidentally breaking the whole session .
I should probably explain what this [[censored]] IS and what this [[censored]] ISN’T.
This [[censored]] IS:
==> A [[censored]] on very specific topics that you won’t find anywhere else.
==> A lore repository for all of the weird stuff PS and TS dig up.
==> A very elaborate way to get AU off my back
==> Technically not an FAQ, but like, that’s your opinion, man.
This [[censored]] is NOT:
==> Organized or logical by any reason. Half because of [[censored]] shenanigans, and half because there will be at most four of us writing this, give me a break.
==> A [[censored]] Walkthrough. No [[censored]] of anything can prepare you for [[censored]]. That’s just a thing you can’t do.
==> A good chicken recipe seriously I’m dying for some good food to drop out of the sky and PS can’t cook and TS is never here for player meetings and the day I let AU do anything near me is the day I dig my cold and shallow grave and bury my equally cold and shallow [[censored]] with it, and my feet are gonna be sticking out because there won’t be anyone to actually throw the dirt back in on me. I don’t care if suicide is [[censored]] disabled. Let some other doofus be the alpha [[time]]line I don’t think I can handle another day of ramen reserves anyways what was I saying.
==> Complete. And it probably never will be because we’re on a schedule here.
So without much more ado I’ll be signing off for the first and last [[time]]. If you see any more of this ridiculous horse-apple material flying around, it means that my plan worked and I’m miraculously not dead. But this is still the last [[censored]] I, me, as
[[page end]]
-- corroborantClockwork
CHAPTER 2
GENERAL QUERIES
[SB-CH2]
“I don’t think God [[censored]]s we ask questions.
Everyone is searching, whether they realize it or not. You get to a point in your [[life]] when you think,
there’s got to be more than this.”
-Duncan Phillips, the Newsboys
(SHIT. This hasn’t aged well. Has it?)
RESET COUNT: 1 MISSISSIPPI
Let’s be real here: a lot of the FAQs floating in the Furthest Ring are pretty much useless. Not just because half of them are merely PK garbage, assorted refrances, and useless [[censored]], but due to a glitch on how [[censored]] organizes player data that causes FAQs to get torn up and fused with other FAQS + weird Veilborn nonsense (“How bullcrap is x?” comes to [[mind]]) for really no reason whatsoever. [[censored]] is a really glitchy hot mess, and we’re all stuck with it.
For that reason, I’m formatting this section in the classic [[censored]] FAQ fashion. That way if questions get messed up they’ll be practically unrecognizable from the normal ones.
Big Thankies to TS for hosting this for me.
Question: Help! I got stuck in the middle of a quest, and it won’t let me progress!
What’s that you say? [[censored]] BREAKING? It’s more likely than you think.
Oh, what quest are you doing anyway? If it’s the Learn the Secret quest, then some[[time]]s the [[censored]] AI will just freeze and show nothing. Enter the room / cave / whatever again and it usually starts working. If it’s not, then make sure that there are no other players around your general vicinity. Learn the Secrets doesn’t seem to [[mind]] when you bring company, but some players (anything that isn’t the mental 12 for both classes and [[censored]], v_id players, bards, it really hates bards) just make the whole system CRY. Tell them to go and it should probably work again.
Otherwise, quests can break for absolutely any reason at absolutely ANY moment. Buggy piece of shit, blah blah blah, you know the drill. I’m actually going to run you LATER on how these quests can break, but you know, sucks to be you if you’re getting THIS part of the document. I’ll give you a rundown, though:
Question: How bullshit is everything.
Oh god it’s one of these . Who said you could come into my FAQ? Did I even write this? Am I being tested? Anyways, yeah. I don’t know if this is a joke everyone is in on or if this is just rogue game code trying to pass the Turing Test, but I’m not gonna really go and question it. Just. That’s a thing that exists and I live with it.
But yeah. Extremely.
Question what is a “dutton”
[[page end]]
Earths to him being some kind of forlorn prophet brought to light by oral myth. It’s really varied, is what I’m saying. It’s mostly lore that SBURB forces onto your session no matter what, so I wouldn’t be too worried about it.
Question: What’s this about the lines?
[THE LINES] activate every [[time]] someone goes into [[censored]]. They go loco, yadda yadda, then they stab their… uh?... they stab themselves with whatever sharp thing they have in hand; the scars are always identical, and the result is always the same. PS hypothesised that, quote, they are probably a refrance of some sort??, unquote, and considering how [[censored]] works I wouldn’t even doubt it.
Anyway. [THE LINES] just keep bleeding and bleeding until they snap out of [[censored]], which means that in this state they don’t die from [[blood]] loss 100% of the [[time]]. Only dismemberment will do the trick. You’ve ever seen zombie movies? Like that. It’s really ugly, and it gets nasty, but SOMEONE’s gotta do it. Shit messes you up, man. Nothing like the trail they leave when they come to get you.
GLITCH: Due to the thing above, som[[time]]s [[censored]] players that die from non-dismemberment will have VERY lively corpses. In the [[time]]line before this one, a little bit after I wrote the FAQ intro, TS snapped and AU put them down, but AU received a death threat from them a day after. We went to their land and waltzed to their [[censored]] and even they didn’t know what to say about it. I’ve heard [[censored]]s usually tell you directly if their player is dead, with a nod or something, but Erebus just [[censored]] of … stared. After the final boss battles the darndest thing happened: I was [[censored]] by someone, but PS and AU both told me that by the [[time]] they were going to my body had mysteriously gone missing, so that really only means that either the game glitched out or TS dragged their disgusting rotten corpse all the way to the battlefield, stole my body, and had an aggressive makout session with me.
I don’t like thinking about that.
Question: Is there any way to communicate across sessions?
Okay, so [[censored]] makes communication, like, mad easy. People can contact you if they’re somehow related to the [[time]]line, and some[[time]]s the act of contacting them MAKES them integral to the [[time]]line, and that’s just what happens. But if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. I wouldn’t hurry it? Some[[time]]s narrative causality just comes to you.
Question: What the hell are the Observers and why do I keep hearing about them?
They’re the ones that enable my out[[censored]]ous abuse of the game code, I think.
It’s weird, I’ve read that they technically enable it, yeah, but you can’t really like, SENSE when it’s happening. And I don’t feel like it’s happening. Maybe TS’ existence made their interference useless? We’re still in the experimentation phase of this whole shebang.
But TL;DR Benign Horrortourists. Don’t make eye contact. They’re here to see you fuck up.
Question: Why can’t I die, no matter what I do to myself?
The real question is: how are you trying to die?
General rule of thumb is that if you’re looking to die, you’re not going to. Suicide is [[censored]]-disabled (you know, those little [[censored]] things that are in your brain but also not), so you can’t kill yourself. Unless wanting to die is part of your maturity quest (hello, [[censored]] players), you’re not going to die, and even then you’ll probably die and live so many [[time]]s that you’ll have to keep a death tally somewhere.
If you’re death would destroy [[censored]] as we know it (for example, you get seriously maimed fighting your [[censored]] before your player chain is established) then your [[censored]] will kick you out for being a big baby. [[censored]]ed clones are also going to come to make sure you’re not trying to ruin everything (easily exploitable; more on that later). On the first iteration of the alpha [[time]]line PS lost to their [[censored]] before AU could get in and only told [??] that they ‘had gotten relentlessly and utterly bullied by a gigantic snake, and there was nothing else to say on the matter’.
I’m not gonna pull punches here: please do not attempt this, if you’re serious. I know it’s temping, especially with [[censored]] entails but if you’re going to be stuck here you may as well see it to the end. And I assure you that
[[page end]]
Question: Our [[censored]] player is [???]ing [??????????] and [????????] [??] [??] a [???] [??????????], how do we get them to stop?
You don’t. [[censored]] is already such a mistake, and [[censored]] is such a shitty [[censored]], so I assume this is the only way they have of not cracking into a boiling pot of clockwork and despair. If you have a [[censored]], [[censored]], or [[censored]] player around and you feel like they aren’t working enough, then feel free to intervene; they’ll have to carry with the sanity of you [[censored]] player, but you won’t have to avert your eyes when this weird selfcest thing happens and they start making out on top of your Battlefield map.
It’s still an interesting concept though, dating yourself. Surely nobody would [[mind]] if I were to indulge in it for a loop or two…
Question: I hear nothing but the screams of the [[censored]], and they beckon me.
Oh. Oh my.
Is this a threat or a question? If it’s the latter, then I recommend you talk to someone immediately, like, ASAP. This is what happens when you spend too much [[time]] listening to what you shouldn’t listen to. So stop writing, stand up from your weird villain lair, and walk towards the nearest player. They’ll know what to do. After you’re done with that, come back. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
Okay, you’re back? Good. In case you aren’t aware, there are many better ways to break the game than to submit to the dark wiggly boys.
I must admit that I do not have much experience with them wiggly boys. Must be TS’ influence again, creating some [[kind]] of literal V_id repellent, which is probably why I can say ‘V_id’ so much without the [[censored]] taking direct action about it. Needless to say, weird stuff happens when you’re Knight’s a [[censored]] V_id.
Question: Why is Mario the size of one nipple?
The evolution of graphics with the modern era makes it so that we can have a whole plumber nipple texture. Assuming we’re talking about the same Mario, of course. Maybe some of you [[censored]] people I’ve heard about had something else?
FUN FACT: Did you know that, in [[censored]], one (1) player nipple equals five (5) SMB Marios? That means that you could fit 5 whole nipple textures in your nipple . That’s a lot of nipples per nipple value.
CHAPTER γ
SPIXMERNEET NT CSSRO ITELEIMN NU[?????]G
[SB-CH3]
[OFFLINE]
[AN: This file I found in a state of complete gibberish. Followed by very lewd symbols. I fear to actually decrypt this thing.]
The ART of doing the SUCC!
[[page end]]
[OFFLINE]
[AN: This one was just empty. Like the blank part that I had to put. Otherwise this file was just. A whole lot of blank [[space]].]
CHAPTER ϵ
SYSTEMIC BUG IDENTIFICATION
[SB-CH4]
TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX
TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX
MY MUSCLES
MY MUSCLES
INVOLUNTARILY FLEX
-lemon demon, 2 trucks.
RESET COUNT: 2 TRUCKS HAVING SEX
Haha SUP dudes, welcome to AU’s kiddie korner
[[censored]] Boi accidentally slipped their tongue about their whole FAQ thing and it sounds dope, so I ask them “hey dude can I write something in ur [[censored[[ journal”
and they go “It’s not a [[censored]] journal, it’s a very important compendium, so I’d appreciate it if you left my home immediately and stopped dabbing on all my [[censored]]s, they think it’s some [[kind]] of salute and I’m afraid they’re gonna start doing it too”
and I go “aww dude c’mon man let me just have ONE CHAPTER in ur compendium what could possibly go wrong”
and they go “You know what, fine, but TS is going to be monitoring you so that you don’t write a whole [[censored]] on bike stunts or whatever it is you do when you’re not doing your job”
and TS just shuddered (they were there the whole [[time]] at this point we don’t question it)
and they’re like “Fine but I’m going to be complaining the whole [[time]]”
and then CC chased me off with a weaponized speaker. TS is nowhere to be seen. Like I know they’re probably monitoring me like they always do but it’s not like they’re gonna do much about it so like it’s my show now bitches
Anyways I still have to stick to the topic they were going to do. So here’s uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Systemic Bug Identification. Is this shit a bug or a feature? That’s a good question we’re about to find out. Like uhhh what’s their name braveWilderness. Mythical [[censored]] of [[censored]] vibes rain over us tonite, as we use ur holy beatitudes to figure out this buggy ass game
BEFORE U DO ANYTHING
==> Make sure u’ve got a laptop or a pen and pad in hand, ur gonna want to note down anything u find weird like super fast. That way u won’t be caught unaware when shit hits the FAAAAN. If ur the [[censored]] that loses everything just like write it out on ur [????]. Just [[censored]] u don’t sweat or ur gonna bring dishonor to ur whole family
==> Under NO NO ZERO NADA CIRCUMSTANCES should u interact with something if u think it’s not working right. I mean then again it depends on ur [Mythos] like some of u will be fine and some of u will have a zero no fun [[time]]. Just like don’t touch [?????] confirm
==> Not everything’s 100% a bug and not everything’s 100% a feature. It’s at best like a 40/60 so like, don’t sweat it too much? If shit goes wrong I mean. Don’t take it too slow, but don’t take it too fast either.
Okay let’s noscope this bitch
THE IDENTIFICATION PROCESS
[[page end]]
So we’re gonna do sum SCIENCE. The scientific method has a lot of uses, and like it’s totally baller. So with it we’re totes gonna like break the system
When in doubt, [[censored]] RISKS AND CALLS:
LOOK - WATCH WHAT U ARE UNSURE OF, AND ASK THE QUESTION, “WHY?”
Look man glitches are weird. They’re weird and some[[time]]s they hurt to stare at. But some[[time]]s u have to sit down and just, FUCKING DO IT. That way it’ll all be tubular and u’ll have a working session soon yep yeppers. Get a bit closer but not too much (a metre is too much, a foot is too little, a yard is just right) and take some motherfucking NOTES. Is it bouncing left and right? Can u even see it? Does it exist on a higher astral plane? Are those even beeeeeeeeeeeees
ORDAIN - BASED ON WHAT U’VE SEEN, MAKE AN ASSERTIVE STATEMENT ABOUT WHAT IS CAUSING IT
So now that ur back from ur daring expedition and all of ur organs are still intact, it’s [[time]] to MAKE SOME STATEMENTS. Like a total politician up in here except ur cooler and more alive unless ur a politician then stop reading this FAQ I ban u ur not allowed to read this anymore go back to politic hell where u belong I’m not going back to jail u pigs
So like, ur pretty cool, and u know a lot of stuff, so ur going to say a big boy sentence on what just happened. “The bees are attacking my [[censored]] because of how lands handle spawn areas and also our bard of [[censored]] peed on it a little”. Perfect theory, nothing wrong with it. A hypothesis has to be phrased like a very correct and true statement it’s big truth don’t even worry about it. U gotta keep it [[sim]]ple and u gotta be quick about it. U just want the basics. U’ll get on the real shit later
REPLICATE - CAN U MAKE THIS BUG HAPPEN AGAIN? CAN U INDUCE THE BUG IN DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES?
Well now that u’ve made ur REALLY SOLID AND GOOD HYPOTHESIS u gotta make sure u aren’t like ENTIRELY COMPLETELY OFF-THE-TRACKS WRONG. So go to somewhere nice and relatively safe and start testing. What happens uf u do this? Can u alchemize bees? What happens if u alchemize bees ith ur chunk of uranium? Keep going like that. Remember to secure the perimeter and make sure none of ur radpal animal people get hurt or maimed and make sure ur not near any important quest places just in case ur whole plan backfires and kills a bitch
Remember: never do an experiment just once. [[censored]] is a mix of glitches upon glitches and miscellaneous bullshit so there are going to be a lot of random variables and stuff against u. It’s not cool in fact it’s less than ice cool it’s like bad. Vanilla Ice on global warming [[censored]]a badWhich means that a lot of stuff is just going to happen because [[censored]] wants it to happen and that’s it. Good luck with that
ANALYZE - NOTE DOWN THE RESULTS OF UR EXPERIMENT
Now SIDDOWN and get the real work. U’ve got ur big adult professional data u’ve got your results, now all there is to do is to go down the bucket list and make sure that everything’s nice and dandy. Did the thing work? Or did it explode and made the bees target you again and also ur deathly allergic to both bees and uranium? Keep a work journal so that u can easily find which theories you’ve gone thru before. Keep ur notes organized and ready for access at all [[time]]s.
CONCLUDE - WAS THE HYPOTHESIS CORRECT?
Now that u’ve done all of that, u have to reach a definite conclusion. Were u right or wrong? If you were right, give a celebratory dab and yeet urself out of the room, go use that info to ur advantage. If u got it wrong or half right go back to the drawing board do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars
BUG OR FEATURE???
My sprite won’t stop screaming, oh my god, why won’t it stop screaming.
Feature. U [[censored]]d something stupid yo, now u pay the consequences. Like there are tonsa types of sprites u can make all of them with their own HELLA SWAGGIN’ TIPS AND TRICKS but some[[time]]s u fuck up, and u gotta deal with the knot u’ve caused [????] If
[[page end]]
their screaming makes ur ears bleed, then like totally pray to whatever deity u believe in that this thing won’t rip u a new mental asshole and stick ur [[censored]] player like ur binding those keys.
I BUILT A ROBOT AND WHEN I FINISHED IT IT WAS DEAD
Bug. It’s like. Uh you seen that Titanic flick? Do y’all alien people have Titanic yo? If so then like, imagine that scene where u want to draw Rose but big no Rose is DEAD, that’s a corpse, ur making a robot of a corpse. It’s also an issue with how [[censored]] handles robot building near an [[censored]]: it will create a carbon copy of the actual player, which means that ur robot will also inherit all the non-radical stab wounds. It’s the reason why this glitch never happens when u build a roboclone of urself: u can’t build shit if ur dead, yo.
My land has nothing on it this is bullshit
Feature. That means u gotta fix it, dude. If ur like, a [[censored]] or [[censored]] player, just follow the whisperings of plot development and character arcs/and ur [[censored]] will be [[censored]] of living in no [[censored]]. Second case scenario, u just rekt ur Big Boi Dabizen and now ur land is doing the emo thing. The land always does the emo thing don’t even sweat.
There is another [[censored]] or [[censored]] that doesn’t have anything in it and won’t revive and is a feature but hehehehhehehehehehehhe.
My friends were fighting and then a meteor came out of the sky and they died
Feature and bug. I’m not fully picked up on the basics but like if there are two people our robot overlord or whatever combusts. Not really a type of integer overflow but more of like ‘holy shit, why won’t u stop, this is hella bad a a a a a A A---’ and it goes on a loop so instead of naturally ending the fight it just goes ROCKSFALLEVERY1DIES and whoops that’s a corpse. Sorry about ur friends bro.
WHY WON’T HE DIE
Bug. Some players just don’t die immediately, there are two types of these suckers. Normally players just somehow keep on dragging their bodies after they’ve hit the floor and continue being players, and that’s part 1. [[censored]] players are really good at taking stabbies even after they die. However they’re still like hella dead and unlike the zombies, they won’t do anything to progress or anything to a[[censored]] getting stabbed. Don’t think too much about it.
I think it’s got something to do with one of [[censored]]’s abilities, but I’m not too sure? Zombie mode was a bit of a scratched concept by the [[time]] [[censored]] came out anyway.
Every [[time]] I talk about v id sh t ju t st ts is arin oh f ck h e it go s a ain
Feature (and also bug?). Just invoking V_id will cause the information around it to disappear. I can do it just fine because of Papa TS’ guidance. U can’t though.
Oh god they keep writhing in pain
Feature. If ur [[censored]] is dead and u don’t have [[censored]]s, ur going to be taking nightly trips to nightmare lane every [[time]] u go to sleep. It really sucks and I’m so sorry for u but that’s a burden u bear now. Get ur local [[censored]] player to negotiate for some [[censored]]s or something.
I hella suck at sweet rhymes but I still managed to calm down my dude??? Like I’m not mad but wtf???
They pity u. Maybe a bug maybe a feature. Just get better at riding them flows and see where that gets us.
Our [[censored]] player just fucking… god[[censored]]ed, wtf??
Feature :) :) :)
[[page end]]
[SB-[[censored]]1]
“Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.”
-Soren Kierkegaard
RESET COUNT; 3
Oh, Um, Hi! It’s My Turn to Write Now. Or at Least That’s What Our Corkboard Says? Idk Why We Have a Corkboard for This, but We Do Now!
So, I’m Ps, and Cece Asked Me to Do a Writeup on “really, Just… Anything You Find Fit to Share With Complete Strangers”. So I Figured I’d Work on My Area of Expertise and Speak About the Recurring Gods Across Sessions! Most of This Information Came From a Very Aggressive Search of the V_id, a Lot of Translating, and Cece’s Unwavering Dedication to Keeping Our [[time]]lines Semistable. So This Whole Thing Was an Operation, and I’m Just Glad That We’re All Working on This. It’s an Experience! Yes, I’d say It’s Pretty Interesting So Far.
Anyway, the [[censored]] Pantheon Is Easily One of the Most Fascinating Parts of [[censored]] as We Know It, Based on the Fact That It Is a Consistent Feature Across All of the [[time]]lines We Know of; Information About Them Is Scattered With Some Restraint. Even More Curious: Every Player Already Has Some Form of Lore of Them Pre-session. Different Names of Course, but [[sim]]ilar Roles. Some Are Idolized More Than Others, Some Are Like Ghost Shrouded in Myth, and Some Only Become Truly Obvious to Players When They’ve Entered the Session, in Which They Send Bar[[censored]]s of General Meme Nonsense.
You Won’t Believe the Surprise I Got When I started Ranting About the Soulful Hecatonchire, the Title the Heir of [[censored]] Held in My World (My Previous Experience With Religious Idols Were… Not Nice), and Cece Interrupted Me Asking if What I Meant Was Actually Mesa the Many-handed, and Au Just Looked at Us Because In Their Universe That Deity Was Called the Tableturner. Needless to Say That We THree Didn’t Speak to Each Other for an in-game Week, Not Really Because We Were Angry at Each Other?? But More Because We Really Just Had Nothing to Say About It. At Least Until Ts Dragged Us Out to Actually Quest Because We Couldn’t Just All Go and Think About It, Then Again After That One of My Quests Stopped Glitching Out? That Was Nice.
There Are Two Classification of Gods: Prophetic and Periodic. Prophetic Gods Are the Ones That Are Directly Connected to the [[[censored]]bound Prophecy], and the Periodic Gods Are the Ones That, Although Not Particularly Meddling, Still Watch the Players From Beyond the Veil… Well Not Technically, but I’ll Get to You in a Second.
Btw if These Updates Start Getting Slower, Uh, I’m Trying to Cover for Our Lack of Seer by Keeping Check in Between Shit and Our Moons Fucking Exploded? Our Moons Fucking Exploded. Apparently the Whole Avant-garde Form of Cece’s Experiment Has Managed to (Blah Blah Blah Fuck, Where Was I Going W This???)
OF GODS AND [[censored]]
So You May Ask Yourself, “what Is The Difference Between These Supposed ‘Gods’ And [[censored]]?”
The Answer Is: Virtually None. Even If I Wanted, I’d Probably Still Have A Bad [[time]] Doing it!! You See, The [[censored]] Are Constantly Referred To As The Elder Gods, Which Indicates They Have At Least Some [[censored]] Of Godhood. They’re Rarely Killed, But When They Are It’s Always Permadeath, Which Could Mean That Either Their Deaths Are Always Just Or They Have No Clock In The First Place-- One Could Even Try And Guess That They’re [[censored]]ed Players By Strict Definition. It’s Obvious That They Have Insurmountable Power But Are Still Completely Bound To Game Rules And Need Players To Enforce Their Agenda For THem, So For All We Know, They’re A Game Construct. They’re Weird and Beyond Out Understand And Highly Passive “players”.
Metaplayers, Patrons, Godmodders, Whatever You Call Them On The Other Hand, Are Wildly Different From One Another And THeir Manifestations Are Equally So. All Have Humanoid Physical Forms, Operate Within The Technical Boundaries Of The Game, And Seem To Be Unconditionally Immortal (Or At Least Manifest In More Than One Plane). But They Have Become More Frequently Depicted As [[censored]] Of Some [[censored]], Or At Least Aligned With Them, They Have Powers That Upon ‘death’ Can Cause [[censored]]-like Catastrophe, And I Highly Believe They Have The Power To ‘mod’ The Game In Ways That Permanently Recode All Sessions, Not Just Their Progenitors Like In [[censored]] Branching Trees. Both Are Pretty [[sim]]ilar So The Line In The Sand Is Blurry, But The Thing You Should Be Leaving With Is This: You Can Negotiate With Any Of The Better-known And Contactable [[censored[[, Although This Usually Doesn’t Go Well. With Metaplayers You Will Rarely Be Able To Negotiate, Most Go Out Of Their Way To Straight-up A[[censored]] Direct Interaction, And Whatever Rare Help You Get Is Going To Be A Choice You Will Have To Carry.
In Short, Tread [[careful]]ly. Not All Deals Are Good Deals.
Anyway! For This Chapter I’ll Concentrate On Periodic Gods. A But Of Pre-sesh Lore, What They Do, Ee-tee-cee. Complete With A “punch Meter”, So You Too Can Punch A Deity In The Gut!
[[page end]]
[[censored]], the Virtuoso
Whoever told you [[life]] was fair?
Look around you everywhere, the cruelty of Nature is displayed
Why the scorn? Why the surprise?
Everything that’s born must die and it isn’t I who made the world that way
-Spider Suite, The Duke of Uke and His Novelty Orchestra
(info recovered by ironicDarwinist, previously foregoneKongclusion)
Ah yes, the Virtuoso! Truly one of the strangest out there, and considering the. Uh. Colorful cast? Saying that is PRETTY HIGH. A self-taught musician and prodigious pianist, the tales of their exploits are many and range from the selflessly brave to the comically non-newtonian… and everything in between. On my Pre-session earth they were the ones to introduce sound to man[[kind]], and in return they divided all of the noise and rhythm, making cross-species communication impossible and causing the diversity and malleability of language. The Misunderstandings that came from such a predicament caused their fair amount of [[blood]]shed. Unsurprisingly they were also the ones to convince the rest that hey, maybe letting these guys kill each other for our blessing is a bit too weird. In-session, though, anything goes, as bards often do. There are some stories here and there of mI activating fate-defying events in the players’ favor, but for those sessions none of us have ever had a follow-up on, so for all we know they’re all dead and gone. Talk about inviting destruction through sacrifice, huh? When they’re not doing their damndest to get players out of a pinch, they’re provoking cataclysms by letting players find unfinished [[censored]] and watching [[censored]] itself try to keep up with them.
Speaking of cataclysms: hey, how about those [[censored]]? And the [[censored]] being what they make? And how they’re very music-themed? Like [[censored]]? The Virtuoso made them and those comprise a lot of your image output. Obviously, if you manage to fall out of their facor you’re not going to be able to use them anymore… to a certain extent. You can use them, but all of them will transform into [Uptown Fuck You Up]. Whenever this fraymotif is activated, everyone (yes, EVERYONE) will be hit with the Stunned status while a mega Bass-Boosted version of Uptown Funk plays in the background. It does no damage whatsoever, and you have to stand there for the full three minutes. Worst part? The fraymotif is either glitched or is equipped with a way to prevent people from using it as a pause button, so when the stun effect ends the song will loop indefinitely. It also stacks, so if you use [Uptown Fuck You Up] too many [[time]]s, then keeping communication is going to become an issue because you’re not gonna be able to hear each other at all. Just Uptown Funk and sadness for you.
[[censored]], the Scrivener
Who [[light]]s the way for the aimless?
Favor is for the true scribe-blessed
EXALTED BY THE FLAME’S ASCEEEEEEEENT
ONLY THE PUREST [[censored]] REEEEEPEEEEEEEEENTS
- cough cough gag- ahem
Did you find a [[censored]] [[censored]] before [[censored]] was even launched? Do your party members know a lot more than they should about a game that just ‘came out’? Thank this chum. Compared to mI this guy does not crucifuck around, and they’re there always making sure that your chances of winning are non-zero. Pre-session, the Scrivener was said to be the right hand of all those who wanted more than the share they got in [[life]]; with their guidance, those who chose to take it into consideration became the stuff of legend. Conquerors, entrepreneurs, hell, even some really famous world-class chefs. Whenever one of those pupils got outta hand, you could bet your ass that the piece of shit would not be sitting on the throne for long before aW got someone else to get on their tail. In-session their behavior is not too different; mysterious artifacts that become relevant later, ancient prophecies outside of the realms of [[censored]] players, and books in the right places. Coincidence is the word of the day for the [[censored]] [[censored]].
Of course, now we gotta talk about the cataclysm. A lot like air and good meals, they’re always there, you need them more than you think you do, and you’ll only notice when they’re gone. They are a sizable bulk of the reason your session maintains narrative coherence remains an even more sizable bulk of the reason why your limbs are still attached to your limb sockets and not your stomach. Standing thus, annoying them is a really quick way to get yourself gutten. Whereas even when they dislike you they’ll still give you a chance of victory (I don’t know about them, but as a scribe there’s nothing I love more than a good story), truly pissing them off will not give you a standing leg. You know how the Reckoning takes [[time]]? Not anymore binch. You have to drop everything you’re doing and go fight the Black King or lose the game. Worst part? This is a bulk cataclysm; it;ll only really come upon you if you’ve pissed off more than one deity. What’s that? You just got punted to the beginning of the echeladder and you have to climb back up Reckoning for you, binch. Good luck with that.
A lot like a good story, they want to punish you when you’re at your worst. So do yourself a favor and don’t be yelling at your local [[censored]] player, unless you want all of causality to punish you at the same [[time]].
[[page end]]
Then I’m a fucking arsonist (hey)
I’m a rocket scientist (hey hey)
Ah yes. The Anatomist. This one’s a bit of a doozy; for some reason not even the texts themselves can decide on what they actually are. Arin told me that they had never heard of them, and that “yo wtf u mean there aren’t 2 virtuosos, like there were two bards and one scribe and they had a hella rad band, stop playing my brokoro like this babe”, which I mean is probably wrong, but what do I know, right? The point is that the only consistent trait about them is that in ‘earth culture’, they were seen as the one of the wranglers who picked up the slack while the prophetic gods settled their disputes. Whereas the Virtuoso assembled all sound and speech, and the Scrivener gave order to human thought, the Anatomist went on the grab evolution by its horns and single-handedly destroy the dinosaur meta, which is why there was an awkward 177 million year pause where there were just lizards everywhere, like people often do. After that, they were condemned for bringing up a word unknown and forbidden. So unknown and forbidden, in fact, that we confirmed that just looking at it slowly saps your mangrit. Which is why I kept blacking out during study sessions!
They are, however, a lot less obscure in [[censored]] lore. I don’t get the details, but something about the Great [[censored]]swap? Some sort of great equalizer event that’d put the lower [[censored]] castes at the top of the [[censored]]. They had proper cults around them in some universes, and in the ones where there weren’t any their worship was just outlawed completely. Real death sentence material! I’m no seer so I don’t get any fancy visions about it, but the books that I find in my land’s libraries are generally bound to have information in my favor.
Their influence over sessions seems to be pretty tame, as out of the list they’re easily the second least vindictive, but when you earn it by doing something dumb, like let’s say, killing their local copy? You earn it. I’ve mostly relied on everyone else for IRC chat stuff, but I’ve heard nightmares of people just turning into [[censored]] s overnight . The process is not merciful- au contraire, it is incredibly painful. After they’re done turning you into a whole new species (or just messing with your hairstyle if you were already a [[censored]]) they’re satisfied enough to let you live with the rest of your session intact… but some people have been left so traumatized that they just… go inert, complete vegetable. The Reckoning comes and they don’t even put up a fight. They just watch as the meteors fall, and their sessions are never heard from again. So to be honest, you’ll be fine if you’re a [[censored]]. If you’re anything else, though…
But to give them credit, this usually also happens in bulk. It’s only after your [[censored]] have been fucked up and your [[censored]]s destroyed that they generally decide to just put the nail on the coffin. But then again, isn’t that just worse? Waiting for everyone else to be done fucking you up just to land the final blow. Fucking mages.
[[censored]], the Whisper
can you hear it handing on the wind?
can you feel it underneath your skin?
you’ve got to go on, further than you’ve ever gone
you’ve got to run far from all you’ve ever known
Oh god, the Whisper. I have fond memories of the Whisper, pre-session lore-wise anyway. This one stood for, well, exactly what you’d think a Muse of [[breath]] would stand for: from being the one who pushed the winds with the seasons to helping those trapped and those healing from trauma, they were said to create both the successful by dropping everything they had, and the disappeared, leaving behind no trace. Whenever people went missing? Following the Whisper in the wind, they said. Having everyone go be free and follow their [[heart]]s at the same [[time]] is a horrible way to keep society at large running, so of course, they weren’t exactly very well known within the population. Capitalist pigs eee-tee-cee. They’re also almost unheard of in [[censored]] lore for the same reasons. The Whisper is the epitome of rebel ideas, and no empress is having that on her [[censored]]s, no sir. That, and they stood at a very different level that iO’s [[censored]]swap: the [[censored]]swap, at the end of the day, only reversed the roles and kept the [[censored]] system essentially intact, but wM advocated complete liberation from it. Which of course, sits even sorse with the high[[blood]]s? I don’t see how a lack of system is worse than a complete overthrow, but go off I guess.
In both pre-lores, though, it is repeated several [[time]]s in all the books and tomes that they kept a steady pile of shitty retro games that they just gave to everyone who asked. Hell, they didn’t even have to ask. Apparently some[[time]]s you’d just find a shitty retro game in your trashcan. Those dinosaurs from the dinosaur meta iO made probably had some t-rex sized retro games. Then again, if they’re playing it in Cretaceous Period, then does that make the retro game not retro anymore? Questions.
But if you’ve actually sat down and read this, then that means you’ve somehow triggered their cataclysm. How… how did you even manage to do that? How do you earn the disdain of the Muse of [[breath]]? Are you Satan? Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. With their apathy towards you comes session-wide amnesia. Mechanically, it means you’re just barred from doing whatever dumb shit you did to piss them off in the first place. In practice, though? You start by forgetting little things- quest names, [[censored]]s under your command, alchemy recipes- then it just spirals out of control until you don’t even remember who you are anymore. Players who manage to beat the game in their maddened state don’t last long after that. So they’re pretty terrifying? You can definitely go on as normal after triggering this, but I’d still stay on their good side.
[[censored]], the Visionary
(originally referred to as the Veilborn)
[??????] draw
[[page end]]
Hmm, the Visionary. Well, I’m not much trained on v_idy types, and this one specifically loved shying away from all lore, but I do know this: from pre-session, I cannot find a single moment where they weren’t present. They had been working in tandem with both periodic and prophetic players for as long as the books are wide, so all records of them go BEYOND written language (seriously, some are even oral tradition in some [[censored]] player [[censored]]s that you can hear if you ask the right questions? What is this?), but as the inspirer of all creation, a lot of completely random-ass things were attributed to them, and these things changes with every single pre-session, story, and coked-up cult. They were, apparently, also a fluent speaker of italian. Which sounds very random to mention, really, but the scrolls REALLY want me to make sure I say this. RS is a fluent speaker of italian. For those of you who are not aware of what an Italy is, imagine an [insert name of your species here] making really aggressive [insert grabbing appendage here] motions. That’s an italian. Not to be confused with the language that the italians speak, which is also italian. In-game, they make sure that your game isn’t coming out with any weird nuts and kinks, and overall keep your shit stable. Also, for some fucking reason: TS swears on their [[censored]] that RS created rap? RS created rap. The whole concept of it. Ultimate Riddle bullshit.
You know how I said iO was the second least vindictive? That’s because the Visionary has that spot, as seers often do. If you’re dumb enough to inspire the s[[censored]]est but of seerly annoyance, luck stops being a thing, and you are literally banned from rapping. It is so petty, but for some folks this is just game-[[censored]]ing. Like, I’ve heard players gone insane from lack of rap, kismesises falling into unhealthy cycles, and whole quests being rendered impossible to finish . Cece describes it as “like trying to download Terraria in the most remote parts of Alaska”. And I’ll honestly just take their word for it.
[[censored]], the [[censored]]led
We ain’t some veterans for fame
We aim with the [[censored]], and we never miss a target.
The [[censored]]led! This one made a buzz in the last few years of pre-session earth, mainly because it was about the [[time]] where the e-sport scene exploded with just raw potential. Emotion and identity in the flesh, they became a comforting symbol for a lot, a lot of people; those who looked to control their emotions, those who wanted to let them loose, everything in between. Competitive teams used their name as a way to refer to those who had flash-like reactions with their hands. It became so prevalent, that the few people who had refused to acknowledge the relation between the game/table scene and the Heir of [[censored]] found themselves changing their opinions about it not soon after. In the session, they’re the undisputed master of tables. Spreadsheet tables, echeladder tables, physical tables, turntables, all of the tables-- that’s them. Your stats, technically, are also kept safe from meddlers by the [[censored]].
Well, now, to the cataclysm… oof. You pissed off the harem protagonist? You pissed off the harem protagonist. Well, needless to say, they punt down your echeladder completely (they do keep that safe for you, after all), making some quests literally unbeatable since you don’t have the badges for them, being easy stab bait due to your lowered stats, and overall just making the game nigh-unwinnable. So short thing is: don’t make them mad? Don’t make them mad. It’ll save you a lot of trouble going on forward.
[[censored]], the Provider
And it’s a must, it’s us, and just us, and what’s what
And it kills me to think it’s all gone, it’s just dust
Wait… [[censored]]... like, [[censored]]? Is it a portmanteau of [[censored]] and militant? I honestly have no idea.
That aside, though. The Provider carried a very different understanding of what would expect from a [[censored]] [[censored]] pre-session, but also a totally accurate reading of the mythos? [[censored]]’s code is half genius and half crackpot, so I don’t know why I’m surprised. Anyway. Yeah, they were best known for being the one who allowed things to come into existence, give them room to grow -- and at the same [[time]], the one who trapped things is a perpetual stance… [[censored]] of like a snowglobe, in a way. Also, they were known for math. Like, a lot a lot of math. A ridiculous amount of math. An insane amount of math. I cannot even begin to describe the amount of math right now. Even though I can, and I am. I woke up one day and my cereal was algebra [[censored]]a math.
Cataclysm-wise, they are very [[sim]]ilar to the [[censored]]led: except that instead of banishing your echeladder, they just punt you down to the beginning of it. Which is not better. All things from the previous one apply, but unlike the [[censored]] if your echeladder gets kicked down and your [[censored]]s are gone, then you are f u c k e d, bro. You have no chance.
CHAPTER η
DSAFGAGHDCCVWGCGX
[SB-???]
[[page end]]
CHAPTER θ
DSAFGAGHDCCVWGCGX
[SB-???]
The Contrivancy of Sounds: Sndbrd[[kind]] for Beginners
Who can wield sndbrd[[kind]]?
In theory, anyone can use sndbrd[[kind]], if you can get your roleplaying [[censored]] to play nice with it. However, sndbrd[[kind]] has an innate preference for bards and [[censored]] players.
Soundboard
Just a normal soundboard. Not so useful for making sounds yet, but good at bashing imps’ heads in.
Sndbrd[[kind]] can be taken one of two ways; locked keyboard or loose keyboard
A ‘locked keyboard’ is a soundboard that lets you maintain your sound slots at the cost of DPS
it’s based more outlasting your enemies as you wear them down
loose keyboard is based on having a buncha fuckn random ass effects for high damage
it’s a luck-based system that prides itself in either doing nothing or driving everyone absolutely insane
initially you are allowed to have up to 2 (two) locked sounds in your NOPE (note of proficiency emulator). They will always be in your deck no matter how many [[time]]s they are rerolled and their effect is increased. However the cooldown is extended into oblivion and beyond.
soundboards alchemized with [[censored]] items will be “geared” towards increasing the effect their [[censored]] has on them
soundboards alchemized with [[censored]] items will produce the most painful sounds imaginable
[[censored]] items are bad do not look at them
CHAPTER [?]
A MYTHOLOGICAL AUTOPSY
[SB-???]
“As long as we are persistent in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow.
We cannot choose the day or [[censored]] when we will fully bloom.
It happens in its own [[censored]].”
-Denis Waitley
RESET COUNT: 4
That’s as many as four ones. And that’s terrible.
Oh, we’re back to me? We’re back to me. Suck. I’m sorry if I write like I’m out of the loop, because technically, I am; keeping this weird meta [[time]]-loop stable has taken its toll on me I’m afraid, so I haven’t had a moment’s rest in a while. So far, the lack of V_id has caused information from previous loops to ‘bleed into’ the new [[time]]lines, which means that I don’t have to re[[mind]] everyone of previous events.
I’ve been force-updating [[censored]] (or rather, [[censored]] has been updating itself) through my egregious hacking. Here’s the weird part, though: future [[censored]] updates are melting through the system into our session… somehow. Some [[censored]]ed [[time]]lines show our [[censored]]s violently exploding, and one of those became a reality in our previous alpha [[time]]line. A sizable chunk of [[censored]]ed sessions had a particularly devious opossum infestation. The new options created for us to dabble in are causing fate itself to be rewritten in a really strange way; the game keeps trying to play the outcome, but with some features changed and others added, it keeps trying to find Plan Bs with little to no success. Besides that, I’ve found that TS took less [[censored]] to snap in our previous [[censored]] loop compared to the other ones. This isn’t really an issue- the only one who’s coming in egregiously OP is me, not the others, so making short [[censored]] of TS would be easy- but I hate to admit that I am a but hesitant about killing them. Granted, if the [[censored]] comes, nothing will stop me. … the fuck, CC. Am I just a variable to you, or are you just this much of an asshole ?
So that’s where most of my free [[time]] has been going. Had PS not re[[censored]]ed me, I would’ve probably forgotten about the FAQ.
[[page end]]
[?] [[censored]]
I’m not particularly good at this subject, but I have my understanding, so I’ll do my best. I won’t be including any instructions on how to get better at being these classes, because [[censored]] can smell that like cocaine and it will use it against you… especially for two very specific variables later on.
Once again, thanks to TS for hosting this for me. Okay, no, dude, hold the phone. IDK what [[kind]] a horsehit you’ve been saying about me to others, but we have to talk. Pester me.
CLASSES
ON ACTIVE AND PASSIVE CLASSES
Before we start this, it is very important I talk about this, lest you all leave en[[censored]]d pseudo comments on this document here: yes, the “active people go to passive, passive people go to active” spiel is not a myth. There will always, always be a pushback by the title-wielder (haha, what’s up people with seers, how’s that working out for you), and thus the Mythos is designed to challenge you thoroughly… unless you are a prince. Then it’s there to torture you.
EXPLOITATION
Making use of and benefiting from resources
KNIGHT
The knight is the active exploitation class. Easily your biggest fighters, they’re going to be the ones balls-deep in quests all the [[time]]. Tell me about it.
PAGE
The page is the passive exploitation class, and also generally classified as “a handful”.
UNDERSTANDING
Inferring something from information received
MAGE
The mage is the active understanding class.
SEER
The seer is the passive understanding class.
MANIPULATION
Handling or con[[censored]]ing in a skillful manner
WITCH
The witch is the active manipulation class.
[[page end]]
REALLOCATION
Taking without permission or legal right and without intending to return it
THIEF
The thief is the active pilfe[[ring]] class
ROGUE
The rogue is the passive pilfe[[ring]] class
CREATION
Bringing something into existence
MAID
The maid is the active creation class.
SYLPH
The sylph is the passive creation class.
DESTRUCTION
Causing as much damage to something that it no longer exists or cannot be repaired
PRINCE
The prince is the active destruction class.
BARD
The bard is the passive destruction class
CATASTROPHE
Causing sudden great damage or suffering
[[censored]]
The [[censored]] is the active catastrophe class
GRACE
The grace is the passive catastrophe class.
[[page end]]
GUIDANCE
Information aimed at resolving a problem or difficulty
SCOUT
The scout is the active guidance class.
[[censored]]
The [[censored]] is the passive guidance class.
SUGGESTION
Having the power to make recommendations but not to take action to enforce them
SAGE
The sage is the active suggestion class
SCRIBE
The scribe is the passive suggestion class.
ORCHESTRATION
Directing the elements of a situation to produce a desired effect
LORD
The lord is the active orchestration class
MUSE
The muse is the passive orchestration class
WHAT
What
SMITH
The smith is… wait, what, smith?
[[Censored]]
CREATION
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[page end]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
[[censored]]
WHAT x2 COMBO
[[censored]]
CHAPTER η
[?]
[SB-???]
CHAPTER η
[censored] 101
[SB-???]
“As long as we are persistent in our pursuits of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow.
We cannot choose the day or [[censored]] when we will fully bloom.
It happens in its own [[censored]].”
-Denis Waitley
RESET COUNT: 5
TS got himself completed [[censored]]d.
I’d love to pretend I have no idea what happened, but I clearly do. TS snapped again in this [[time]]line, of course. I’ve grown to expect that, but with the [[time]]lines merging and them acquiring the built-up madness from their other selves, it all proved a bit too much… they decided the best course of action was the [[censored]] the session entirely, and dropped a ‘patch’ on our game that friend all our servers at once. Naturally I sensed a ‘disturbance in the force’ and went to investigate, and when I got to the source of the disaster I found them stuttering and gibbering in their room, screaming nonsense at me and threatening to shoot me (like that’s going to stick).
It’s a bit sad seeing TS like this: in a pool of their own [[blood]], screaming and shaking like a rabid dog. Although I have grown apathetic with each [[time]]line, I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for them. In retrospect, I don’t think TS would’ve ever had the cou[[censored]] to kill us. Knight fealty often dies hard, and I suppose this is one of those [[time]]s if they were willing to change the fabric of reality just to protect us from some vague ‘unknown’ they had no data on. In a surprising turn of events, AU took it the hardest out of all of us. Well, they were Knight and [[censored]] player, so I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming, but when I suggested putting TS out of their misery they leapt to their defense, saying that they’d take care of the darn knight themselves. So yeah, AU is currently taking care of them in the [[censored]] Hills and [[censored]s. I just [[censored]] it won’t slow down [[censored]] breeding.
Musings aside, the short of it is that we’re locked out. From the rest of Paradox [[space]], I mean. As I said, all of our communications have dropped out at once and the other two both confirmed to me they only have access to the server we have been storing the compendium in. The fact that TS is now mentally unstable and perpetually existing on one single [[time]]line of consciousness is going to make keeping it maintained a lot more trouble.
I have a hunch that this whole mess cur us off from more than just other IRC channels. But we’ll get to that in a minute. I’ve been investing in teaching PS how to read code now that TS has gone solo. They truly are a prodigious student; they took to the first few lessons like a duck to water, which has made getting back to business really easy.
(Ha! It’s about [[time]] you gave me a bit of credit, Cece! Some praise won’t kill you)
Heh. Whatever you say. Anyway, if you’d like to explain what this chapter is about…
(Yeah, of course! So, this chapter is ALL about [[censored]], since the whole thing with [?]ate had us searching more on the matter and we may as well see what the patterns are, right? So, it turns out that [[censored]] is intrinsic to an [[censored]], you’d imagine since most are [[censored]]s, and they go in levels. They, uh, are a lot more complex than we were expecting!)
That’s one word for it.
[[page end]]
A mistake.
[[space]]
Opens some fourth wall shenanigans
[[censored]]
De-continuifies the [[time]]line.
[[mind]]
Can alter decisions.
[[hope]]
Everything you believe in is now real.
[[life]]
Candy rush.
[[light]]
Turns you into the most important character
[[void]]
This.
[[doom]]
Changes the meaning of rules
[[breath]]
Fight the gods for your freedom.
[[heart]]
All ships are [[censored]].
[[censored]]
Makes cracked copies of [[censored]].
[[censored]]
Resets a [[time]]line by letting you murder your alpha self
Author notes:
[[censored]] [[censored]]- CC- corroborantClockwork
[[censored]] [[censored]]- PS primordialSermon
[[censored]] of [[censored]]- AU
[[censored]] [[censored]]- TS tauntingSocrates
Version History
0.1.0 March 2nd, [[censored]]
==> Completed cleanup and writeup of Chapter 1.
==> Discussed how DEATH IS JUST THE SAME AS [[life]], YOU BUFOONS.
==> Something something ASCII art.
[[page end]]
[????] [?????] [????] [[censored]]
==> Did a sketchup for the rest of the chapters.
==> Deleted [[censored]].
0.1,5 March 5th, [[censored]]
==> Flipped the fuck out over shitty [[time]]line thories.
==> Almost vagabounced CC to Mage. Almost.
0.1.5 March 7th, [[censored]]
==> DAY 7
==> GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 7
==> Accidentally created a perfect universe?
0.1.5 March 13th, [[censored]]
==> Oh shit this exists
==> SOMETHING SOMETHING THE PYRE SOUNDTRACK IS FUCKING FIRE.
0.1.6 March 18th, [[censored]]
-- Suffered from sauce-induced depression
-- [[censored]] is the Greatest [[censored]].
0.1.5 March 20th, [[censored]]
0.1.5 March 24th, [[censored]]
Proper log this [[time]]: do you know how awkward it is to try and guess people’s interest based solely on their tumblr? It’s fucking hard mate. I’m 5 seconds away from just THROWING A HARD ONE and just setting my computer on fire. AW likes johnrose? AW likes johnrose. I wish I was drunk right now so I could feel something more than emptiness.
DICTIONARY:
[STEEL CURTAIN]
[VEILBORN]