Dear diary (or whatever),
I have. Just. The greatest news today! I mean, you know what the news is, silly, you’re me. However! Maybe you’ll forget in the future! You know, dedicating all that energy towards the FAQ, so I’m taking some time off to at least get this written down. A little social interaction goes a long way, even if it’s rereading the same three over and over.
So, for the sake of future me, let me set the scene. I’m stretched thin as it is, getting all of these numbers into this document. I’m hunched over my weird plant-desk, tapping along at my math, when I hear the sound of someone… at the door! Someone’s at the door! Someone’s coming into my room! The excitement! The fanfare! I just have to get excited!
Wait, that sounds insane to write down. Well, I mean, insanity be damned, it’s the truth! Really, try being in a room for longer than a day. Now, make it a week. Then make it… months? One or two years to be exact? Nah, that seems like a stretch. Point is, you get bored, doing nothing but working on a good FAQ, especially when no one is around to read it. It is literally made to be read. So, why wouldn’t you be excited when someone shows up, no matter who it is? Frankly, I feel my reaction is entirely logical in this situation.
But! But, but, but! Back to the point! Someone just came in, so I turn my head just slightly to see who it is this time, and-- you won’t believe my surprise-- it’s the same wanderer who showed up before! This doesn’t happen a lot, and by not a lot, I mean not at all. People don’t really tend to come back twice, for reasons. Which sucks. I’m sure a lot more people would come back if they weren’t, uh. Y’know.
This person did though! They, uh... whatever their name is, came back! So of course I take the courtesy to fully face them this time, instead of waiting for them to notice I’m there. So I wave at them, and I say something along the lines of:
“Hey… wait, it’s you! You’re back! Hello! How’s it hanging? Anything new out there? Any new... news?”
"So many new things... I saw a room made of light? Monsters under beds? Scary worms with baby faces?" They make a face just remembering the worm baby things.
Those things sound familiar enough, so I go, “Oh! I’m pretty sure I’ve read of a baby face worm thing! Monsters under beds are new to me. And I don’t like to think of rooms made of light!” Then I grin and look away, because that’s what you do when you don’t wanna talk about stuff you just set up, and then, you know, I keep trucking. “So! Make yourself comfortable! Unless you’re leaving now. That’s okay! If you do leave! You’re free to leave whenever! But I can also, uh, tell you… what’s new?” And then I pat the trunk next to me.
That one’s a lie, by the by. Nothing new ever happens here. I don’t know if in the future we do get new stuff, but like, as of now? Nothing. At all. Ever. The stupid plants with the thorns I don’t like are still there, the lidless eyelids are there, the thousand voices screaming in binary to finish the damn document are still there, and this nice chairstump is like, also there. No new news from yours truly at THIS point in the spatial plane.
"I'd...yes. Please. Tell me what you can about Zampanio?" The wanderer practically leaps through the thorns to sit on the trunk. They didn't seem to particularly care about the damage they took.
And then… oh. That doesn’t look good. I kinda wince, looking at the big old gashes on their legs, but like, they’re… probably fine, right? After all, they took a computer to the eyeballs last time. So, who am I to judge? Besides, ZampanioQuest is like, practically my specialty. My bread and butter. My… when’s the last time we’ve had bread and butter? That’s an odd thought. Point is it’s my favorite thing to talk about! So I nod.
“Well, uh, the FAQ is in, uh, progress. It’s being made.” I rub the back of my neck. “So! I can just tell you what I know! So, uh, what do you want? I can tell you the history of the game, or maybe you like mechanics more, or something about the speedrunning circle, or the weird side content that cropped up in early fandom, or… well, anything! Best I can on memory alone.”
Then, in like a second, "All-of-it!" the wanderer gasps out all in a single rush. "Any of it!" They’re like, floundering when I’m not immediately talking. "If I had to pick, uh, speedrunning!"
Woah! I kinda push a bit back, when they say everything at once, but like, who am I to judge a fellow enthusiast? I like their moxy! So I just nod, and get onto the spiel.
“Well, It’s actually pretty simple! When you release a game like ZampanioQuest, you have to ask yourself, “how do you speedrun that”? And really, there’s no right answer! The big issue I could find in the old forums is that no one could decide what a fair speedrun should be, you know, since it’s all personalized for you once, and then totally random later. So an any% speedrun was divided in a first try run, and then a random run! You’d wonder how someone who’s playing the game for the first time could speedrun it, but you’d be surprised! The fastest time for the NEW Percent category was zero point twenty-three seconds, by a user named rotatorychicken-- a one instead of the ‘i’. I can’t quite remember how they got in the Circle by memory, but I know it was achieved because their game was just randomized to the ending cutscene for some reason! There’s a couple of other categories that didn’t take off, but, y’know. Can’t… yeah.”
I’m THIS close to just grabbing the computer and finding the rest of the data, but last time I tried, well- computer-to-eyeballs. But it’s fine! It’s fine if the FAQ is… bad. We’ll just keep working on it! I’ve made progress since last time, and you probably have too, so… it’s fine!
Then, the Wanderer's eyes close and they’re mouthing words to themselves. Their eyes snap open with a frantic gleam and then they start muttering. Like, louder.
"Can't risk follow up questions when the main path hasn't been fully explored yet."
"What about side content? The uh. The fan stuff? You mentioned..." They had NO idea how to handle me not answering instantly.
I have to squint to concentrate at that, which is kind of hard with my brooch’s eye thing getting all glowy all of a sudden. You know how that goes. “Side content… I mean, that’s kinda vague, isn’t it? I guess you mean the side fandom stuff. People got really dedicated to larping the thing! The sheer incomprehension of it all. Kind of like us now!” I laugh a bit to clear the air. Or to see if they’ll laugh. They don’t. They’re… weird. I hate to say that about another fellow Quester, but there’s just something wrong, you know? Let me know if you figure it out, future me. “They set a day specifically to dress up as their assigned Zampaniosonas, and just like, roleplay each other’s worlds? It sounded cathartic when I was reading, to be honest! And then people started like, guerrilla-tactic making aus in other fandoms ABOUT the game? Some of them got pretty popular! Enough to outlive the actual thing.”
The Wanderer smiles gently to themselves, eyes closed, mouthing the words I said slowly, like they’re… what. Tasting them?
Then our eyes meet again. They look less desperate, at least.
"The history of it. You mentioned that. As a possible topic?" again, they keep prompting me if I take even a second to respond to what they're saying.
- [ ] By that point they at least seem to be doing better, but still. “Yeah, yeah, alright, calm down! I’m getting to it. Uhm… See, this is a hard one, because there’s a lot of different interpretations. One of them says that ZampanioQuest is an old indie company that released their stuff during one of the down markets, other say they’re a cd side-release game for a movie that was too complicated for its own good, and others say the game was made by the fans, somehow! That one’s the funny one. But… uh… yeah.”
The Wanderer's smile gets wider when they repeat what I’m saying, and god, I don’t even know what I’m saying. They lick their lips when they’re finished.. They weren’t like, nervous or acting weird, or anything. They were… satisfied. I guess. Like a cat on a little ray spot.
"The mechanics. You offered to talk about them? Can you talk about them?"
By this point, I’m getting kind of tired of explaining all these things. Don’t get me wrong! I love ZampanioQuest! But… that’s what the FAQ is for in the first place, you know? Telling people these things. Having it documented. Not just rattling them off to a stranger. It’d be easier to just show them. But…
I don’t really… remember what I said next. I think I droned it out, like reading from a script, or something. Something about the personalized mechanics, or about the god system, or about the on-and-off inventory. Something… more? Something about a minotaur and a maze, and something about a bunch of endless halls. Something about some lidless eyeballs. Something… more.
I don’t know what I’m on about.
I’m just rambling, and they have this stare like they can’t understand what I’m saying. I feel sick. Then I blink, and—
I’m just saying numbers again. Ones and zeroes, over and over. So I stop, and I cough, and straighten up.
“Um. And! Those! Are the mechanics!” Then I just grin it away. “I… it’s a topic. They’re explained better in… the…”
The words WANT to leave my mouth. But we’re very much AWARE, future me, why I’m not saying them.
The Wanderer isn’t sitting on the trunk anymore. They’re like, angled towards the door, but also inching closer to the trunk bit by bit before drawing back again and again. Their eyes are wide.
"That. Uh. Yeah. Topic. " They aren’t blinking.
They tense up. Straight up. They swallow.
"That's it. Right? All you can tell me?" They look down at their bloody legs and frown. Their shoulders hike up. "For now. Right? I can have more. Later?"
I just start nodding, so I don’t have to look at the damage either. “Y-yeah! Later! Uh! You can just come later, and I might have—“
And then I hold that thought. I need to know something.
“Wait! Before you go! I gotta ask, I guess. Who… are you? Do you have a name? I don’t have a name for you. It’d be… nice to.”
Their head snaps up at me, and we look at each other’s eyes.
"I had to have had a name. That makes sense. It only makes sense. Maybe...maybe that room with the family portraits? Maybe that's where my name is. I have to go. I have to go look. I'm sure its in here somewhere..."
Something in their eyes just… left. Like they couldn’t see me anymore.
And then they were gone! Like that. Didn’t give me a name, just said they were gonna go find it somewhere, or whatever.
Either way, yeah! Social interaction! Looking back at it, yeah, it was a bit weird, but like, what else isn’t weird right now? It’s at least a funny memory to me, by now. Maybe they’ll show up and they’ll know their name? And maybe I’ll be a bit more prepared! And maybe even the FAQ will be done? The future’s looking bright!
Yours truly,