JR's not face is surprisingly solid and real as they stare at Jepe's conspiracy board. The out of the way meeting room in Eyedol Games HQ has long been taken over by Jepe's squawking insistence that they have been promoted and they are now a manager who deserves a private office. It's fine.
"This company is being bled like a stuffed pig Mac, and I got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out, take a look at this." the NotManager shouts.
"Jepe. I'm going to be real with you. I can NOT take you seriously when you're wearing his face." JR stares at the conspiracy board harder. "But I take your meaning. They're all connected".
"That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay?"
"Not my name" JR says evenly "But yeah. The letter repo is doing well. Really confusing the Unmarked. Accidentally making you and your lil idiots Relevant. It's fine" JR manages to frown without cracking their face.
"But I'm not agreeing with your conspiracy wall. For ONE, these aren't Quotidians. They don't do romance the way you guys do. Let me show you how it PROBABLY works". JR pulls out a white board marker and starts making changes.
"So FIRST of all, you got the dynamic between NotAMinotaur and the EyeKiller ALL wrong. They're CLEARLY a solid rainbow, I mean, did you SEE that entire Egg Incident? Classic slapstick. The physical comedy between the two of the them is pretty much peak comedy. NotAMinotuar is just the ultimate Manzai straight man and he couldn't ASK for a better foil than the EyeKiller."
They add a post it note with a scribbled rainbow to the graph.
"Now, GRANTED that's not enough for a full on TROVE, but that's fine, we're early in the timeline yet, and honestly? I kind of hope it stays platonic like this. You don't often see such a pure rainbow interaction like this and I just don't see how it could be improved with any other charms".
JR points to another section of the conspiracy board.
"And you're definitely wrong that Tyrfing there hasn't actually had enough time to connect to anyone. His interaction with the EyeKiller was, sure, unconventional, but DEFINITELY Pot-O-Gold. Classic reversal of fortunes as the hunter becomes the hunted. Gotta love that."
A Pot-O-Gold scribble gets added on.
"Now, YES, obviously if a pot-of-gold interaction leads to DEATH its usually nullified, but unconditional immortality for the duration of the Apocalypse does nothing if not change some rules so..." they shrug.
"THAT is probably the bulk of our SIMPLE one off charms, NOW we get to get into the meat of things." JR rubs their hands then grabs several post it notes at once.
"So take Wanda and the Closer, right? They START out simple, sure: classic Moon, you gotta love that, game recognizes game. But then something interesting happens: Once Wanda gets out of that coffin and messes around with this place..." JR whacks one of the walls for emphasis "Suddenly that classic moon vacillates right into a pot-of-gold reversal of fortunes and stays there. The Closer goes from having all the answers to suddenly understanding nothing, and let me tell you, I LIVE for that shit."
A scribbled Moon with an arrow leading to a very shitty drawing of a pot of gold is added on next.
"And you gotta contrast that with how Wanda and the FAQWriter interact!" The hint of a spiraling grin spreads across their face slowly. "Solid diamonds, in BOTH senses of the word. You really get a feel that that flower chick FAQWriter was the only thing keeping Wanda sane for a while! BUT THEN!!! In the middle of trying to playfully diamond up Wanda, FAQWriter takes it from good to great: a SOLID horseshoes gambit as lucky break after lucky break has them BOTH come out looking clever as fuck! Not only that but you see a hint of stars (in FAQWriters favor, ofc) in their competing actions with Eyedol. They BOTH get meaningful yet playful value from their relationship! It's great! "
JR's start of a grin retreats a bit "Though I wouldn't go so far as to say they have a full on TROVE just yet? I'd want to see more of that star and I'd worry that so many right handed charms is going to destabilize things. Sure, diamonds will balance that a bit but there's such a thing as TOO much play, you know?"
Diamonds (somehow in two fonts despite being hand drawn), Horseshoes and a greyed out star goes up onto the board.
The spiraling grin springs back into place as JR begins pacing and gesturing wildly.
"But that has NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING, you hear me, on FAQWriter and The Closer!!!" a post it note with "OTP" written on it is plastered front and center on the white board.
"Look at this shit! LOOK at it! You start out with an interesting star gambit from The Closer, not her usual thing, obviously, but you can imagine she was feeling a little vulnerable what with the whole being laid off thing. POINT is, she issues a remarkably straightforward challenge to FAQWriter and BAM does FAQWriter bat it back with an INSTANT pot-o-gold gambit with her flat out renting out space in the Gopher server. God, what a fucking chad. And then she ups that gambit to fucking astronomical levels by going back in time to *secretly become the historical figure The Closer admires most on ACCIDENT* on FUCKING ACCIDENT? Fucking hell what a horseshoes move that was. So all of this is masterful, but ultimately predictable right? So far we're staying on the right hand side, pulled over there by The Closers vulnerability? But then what does the FAQWriter do? She meets The Closer in the middle, acknowledges her vulnerability and adds a little diamond playfullness into the mix!!!???"
JR has pulled up a dozen javascript consoles and is rapidly printing out logs of the sheer off-the-chartsness of this gambit.
"So then, and you didn't hear this from me, but THEN that little bit of leftwards movement from the FAQWriter flips The Closer from full on defensive right side charms ALL THE WAY OVER THE FAR LEFT with HEART!!! The balance seesaws right the fuck over to that side and we're left with a BEAUTIFUL fucking hearts-diamonds-pot-o-gold DIAGONAL tic-tac-toe. FROM A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE VERTICAL COLLUMN VACCILATION ONE!!! It's...God it's..."
JR is somehow crying tears of raw beauty despite not having any eyes.
"They should have sent a poet."
JR slowly, reverently adds post it notes detailing the star-pot-o-gold shift, the horseshoes, the diamonds, and the heart.
"If this trove doesn't outlive us all I'll eat my hood."
Jepe Rilvia finishes gaping at this display and finally speaks up. "Will you settle down and have another cup of coffee?"
"No I will not settle down! This is SRS BUISNESS Jepe!"
"There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay?"
JR stills.
"You...you have a point." They begin frantically sorting through pinned documents and yarn connections "You have a point!"
"How could I be so blind???"
They finally string a thread between NotAMinotaur and Tyrfing.
"They both don't exist, Jepe!" JR draws a HUGE balloon circling both of them, not even bothering with a post it note.
"Both of them are copies of copies! Tryfing has *big* tsundere energy. Have you *seen* the way he teaches NAM to do moon chores by framing them as gruff complaints about his work ethic? Ah, this has so much potential! In fact-"
The door opens with a crash, overturning several Wendy's Brand Propaganda Posters Jepe had been collecting and an Intern stumbles in, eyes wide. "I! Uh! I thought this was a meeting room?"
"Jepe! I keep telling you! You need to update the org chart to list this as an office!"
"JR, I believe you left this inside the universe, inside that Eyedol Games HQ. I normally would not interfere, but..."
IC slams down a haphazardly-rebuilt conspiracy trove wall of some sort. Some of the red string is wrapped around his arms.
"This all, uh. This means nothing to me," he mumbles, adjusting his glasses. "I also think it might be incomplete."
A jumble of wrongly jointed limbs manages to stand up from the Not!Chair they had been sprawled onto.
"!!!" they say, without making a sound.
"You found it! And you're RIGHT! It's not done! THAT means you get to help me finish it :) :) :)"
"Ah. Of course, JR. It would be... my pleasure..." he turns some of the dislodged pictures around, attempting not to pierce them with his hands. "I am not sure what 'it' entails, though. I could make some deductions from its contents, but I cannot figure out why it needs... cereal?"
"Lol I never worry about 'why', isn't it so much funner to just DO as fast as possible???"
They grab a picture, seemingly at random, covered in yellow, purple, blue and pink. "You see this one? THIS one is my OTP. Absolute treasure trove, pun absolutely intended. You think I cared about the WHY when I immediately and unrepentantly began shipping them? NO. It's about VIBES IC. VIBES."
"So. You say its incomplete? Walk me through which ones you noticed missing."
"Hmm... Well, the ones that were recently brought in are missing, as well as Peewee, and everything else he has attracted into view with him." From a box, he pulls out a pile of papers roughly a banana tall. "But it would be a mistake to consider them all at once, especially when the majority have... well... they are not currently relevant, at the moment. We could narrow this down quite a bit."
IC runs a hoof through the middle of the pile with incredible accuracy, tossing half the stack off until only a fifth of it remains. "These are more easily split out between the ever-evolving Watt line," he shows pictures of Rod, Rebel, and Melon, as well as Ronin, "those running that Codex," he spreads five faces on the board, "the Neighbor, as well as those who have come into slightly more prominence," bringing out their pictures, as well as four very standard-looking men, two of them more mafia-adjacent than the others, "and, of course, Peewee. The Devil of Spirals? I know you prefer titles..."
JR spins around on an office chair that you could swear wasn't there before, leaning back into it and letting it tilt as it whirls, a thoughtful expression behind their face.
"Okay, yeah, sure, that sure is a list of blorbos but. IC. I know you came into this saying you were lost (great look on you bee-tee-dubs) but have you missed the part where this is SHIPPING. "
The chair stops rapidly, causing the bouncy spiral of their face to stretch out from inertia. " SHIPS IC, SHIPS. Come on. Tell me your OTP! I love the way you phrase things! Feed me!"
"Ah, ships. I am not... too keen on heavily speculating, or gossip and such, but... I suppose I could at least note the ones that have stood to me..."
He leans forward on the table. "Well, let's start chronologically, right?" He says, isolating just a couple of pictures from the ones he brought up. "Wanda and her Intern, as well as Tyrfing and this Neighbor... I am not particularly sure what they have going on. Both of their relationships seem to live in the veneer of heterosexual life partners, but the latter pair threads the needle much more often than the former." He tapes the images onto the board, attempting to place them as efficiently as he can. "I suppose it's the household domesticity angle, as well as the difference in power. As the CEO of a paradoxically successful company, Wanda has much more control over the Intern, but Tyrfing and the Neighbor are very much equals. Their similar themes regarding identity and fate help elevate it as well."
JR gets a thoughtful look behind their spiral which transitions quickly into a grin.
"Yessssssssss. You're getting it! Ambiguous romantic vs platonic leanings with a contrast between power dynamics! It's the difference between a diamond and a star! Obvs Wanda is the dominant star partner but you'd be surprised how often the Intern changes up that dynamic. Strong contender for star with a pot-o-gold minor vacillation. And of course the is it romantic is it platonic is classic hearts/balloons vacillation."
They add a large star to the chart with a small and pale pot-o-gold underneath it. Next is an equally sized heart and balloon.
"Now, in my OPINION Wanda and the Intern is probably gonna settle somewhere hearts adjacent? But when it comes to Tyrfing and the Neighbor, I think we ALL prefer the Neighbor to stay solidly platonic in all things. That life cycle, man."
They stop to look appraisingly at IC. "Following so far?"
"Not remotely, no, but I will take these data points for later." IC nods, preparing the next set of pictures.
"Next is Peewee, which is somewhat tricky, since they keep bouncing between partners. However, I think this one has been the one they keep returning to: This Robert Bobert, or, hm, Bobert Robert... I do not believe they are conscious enough to form an opinion on any of this, although arguably, Peewee himself is not much of a conscious entity either... well. They are. But you understand my hesitation. Robert Bobert does not seem too thrilled about the relationship they are in, but is not pulling away either, which I suppose is as expected, and I am not sure if it is possible to tell if Peewee even likes this. I suppose time will tell."
JR frowns but is quickly distracted by the new targets.
"Yeah the Puppet Pals sure is a Problematic Ship isn't it??? I have no clue what's running through the Observers minds... What do they see in him? I mean an obvious bonding moment was the date with the revelation of the Secret Info about Peewee but the Observers immediately ignored that! So it's not Quotidian Romance! Honestly I think at this point we should just slap a clover on it and call it day."
He nods once again. "I am sure that is most likely a fair assessment. I think."
"With that, I find these following ones to be most intriguing..." He pushes forward the five-man team, tail placidly wagging along as he ponders on his own words. "Most of the ones we have noted down have not had pre-existing relationships, but these ones do, which makes them predisposed to pair amongst themselves. There are... other reasons why, of course, but that is the primary one. I believe we have one definitely platonic relationship, and two which border on the more, erm, romantic, 'shippy' side. I believe that is the right use of the word. Would it be better to start with the platonic one, or the borderline romantic ones?"
JR grabs the five man team photos in their grubby little hands and stares at them intently.
"I love them. The best blorbos. Look at their little backstories and friendships. Look at their little secret club house. How have we survived this long without them."
They look up, still clutching the photos.
"Let's ease into this with the platonic one. This'll be a wild ride, gotta get acclimated to it. Like with water". They give the impression of squinting their 'eyes' critically at IC. "Speaking of. Have you had a drink lately? Are you hydrated?"
The minotaur tilts his head. "I do not believe I have, no. Perhaps I will make time for it after... unless you are planning to confiscate the pictures until I do," he chides.
Even though he is pictureless, he points to the board as if therr was something there. "Either way, the Twins continue to be an unprecedented platonic ideal-- it is not every day we see two residents under the same title. How strange, is it not? One would think that being thrust into these strange, new circumstances would put some pressure into their friendship, and yet it only has strengthened their bond. Quite literally, in some cases."
IC chuckles. "It is curious. One would think a relationship such as this would be much more co-dependent, with both of them constantly hovering over each other. And yet, there is no hole to fill: they are whole, and they are not. They are each other's halves and also their own people, with fears, wants, and desires. They cannot live without each other. They have full social lives. So on, so forth. Such a thing is hard to balance, but it appears they make it work. Only time will tell if such a feat can last forever."
The Shambling Horror that is somehow also a Minotaur despite definitely not looking like one sighs. "Suuure, let yourself be all gross and dehydrated. That's on you." The pictures are slowly returned, one at a time, thoughtfully.
" But yeah! The TWINS have the healthiest damn relationship on this Spiral. Supportive, caring, and like you say, not dipping into like, *any* definition of co-dependence. " The wrinkle part of their spiral as if it were a nose. "But that's the thing right? They're SO platonic that even the highly superior, broad af Leprechaun Romance I don't think has a lot of room for them? They're like the Platonic Ideal of Platonic Romance. They just. Have each other's backs? "
They seem to be thinking it over, pacing back and forth with a gait that's probably better not to think about. "I guess it could be Diamond, both for the pun for Trolls but also because you can't deny the smaller Twin causes some Shenanigans. "
"Ah, I believe I've seen this one. Fascinating. Is it a pun if it is just the same symbol? The same can be said for humans and the heart, after all."
With the pictures back in hand, he continues his chore of placing the pictures down; he makes sure to grab one of the 'diamonds' as he does so. "Oh, both of them have their own distinct flavor of shenanigans. The smaller one's quiet awareness create a lot of the more refined, loops-long, we-should-have-talked-about-this issues, as well as some good slapstick, but the bigger one is incredible at creating social havoc. Speaking of..."
IC flares one of the pictures in his grasp, and he reels in to bash it dramatically... then just glues it on like normal. "This Twin and The Solemn have the funniest will-they-won't-they dynamic we have seen since the Eye Killer and those mafiosos. Just look at them. One would think that the Solemn would not give away his time to a co-worker, let alone a monster. So much of their relationship was founded upon The Solemn's belief that The Twin would never catch on to his flirting... and then The Twin so easily reverses their gambit once he does! Now the ball is in his court. You have to wonder what they will do next..."
JR frowns. " Of COURSE it's still a pun! Similar symbols but wildly different colors AND meanings? Meanwhile human romance hearts and leprechaun romance hearts are just the same kinda thing. Boring. That's like rhyming a word with itself. NOT a pun. "
The shambling horror leans forward to peer at the next ship. "!!!" they exclaim without sound or expression. "You're RIGHT. The POT-O-GOLD on this one is so strong it burns. I've never seen it paired with a Heart before! Buuuuttt...I get the feeling theres a third charm in there somewhere... "
They begin that frantic jerky pace again. "The Solemn's way of treating his flirting as something that would go over the Twin's head.... ...is it..." They stop suddenly, all momentum arrested. "IT IS! IC! It's MOONS. The Solemn's been treating his flirting like a RIDDLE the Twin would never solve!"
"Of course." IC nods. "I will note down both the pun commentary and the charms-- I think I'm starting to get them, somewhat. I suppose it is like a riddle, isn't it? Curious, how relationships can be ascribed to all these... mishaps and shenanigans."
"Well, lastly, I think this one is quire interesting as well," he mentions, bringing out the last two images into view. "I do not believe we've had any pre-existing relationships like this, if any. This one is... quite messy, I'm afraid." His ears droop somewhat at the thought. "How do you reconcile everything that these two have been through? Do you start with their unstable relationship? The End's curse? The Match's addictive tendencies? You can understand why their previous relationship went the way of the bird, the more you look at it. Not even talking about where they are now-- both have their own issues that they've yet to even acknowledge. And yet... despite everything, they still seem to consider each other friends. They keep trying to support each other in their own strange ways. Sometimes they're helpful. Sometimes... not so much."
He rests his arms on the table. "I don't know. There is so much to unpack, I am never sure if I am done thinking about it. It is something fitting enough for the concepts of the Web and the End-- all these threads are heading towards a terminal point, some sort of crescendo... an inevitability. Who knows when, or what, that end will be."
The spring of JR's face seems to gain a frantic sort of energy. "You GET it! Look at that analysis! That's exactly them!"
They pace for a bit, almost forgetting to shamble in their deep contemplation.
"But how do you translate that to CHARMS? They both seem so SERIOUS, no sense of japes or riddles or pranks. No coincidences, lucky or otherwise....
Is. Is it possible that there are things unexplainable by charms?
Web and End....IC....could...could the FEARS be a type of shipping???"
IC's tail begins to wag much more like a dog than a bull. "Oh! Why, I don't see why not! I am not sure if it all translates-- but the combination of fears does lead to some key points on how these relationships operate, yes!"
His claws tap on the board several times in about as manic a tempo as he can reach-- which is not very promising, but it's something. "Here-- let's backtrack a minute. We know this Twin and the Solemn are Hunt and Lonely, respectively; we can see how these traits affect the nature of their relationship. The Solemn, in a very real way, began this by preying on the Twin- not in any serious way, but preying nonetheless, taking advantage of the blind spots that he knew he could not see. But then, we see the hunted become the hunter; The Twin retaliates, and The Solemn is forced to be aware of the Lonely inherently present in this entire exchange. He cannot let himself get attached, no. He must remain just out of reach, just enough to make sure the Twin never knows enough to find him out. Alas, the good hunter has already marked him. What will he do? Will he expose himself to his greatest fear? Or will he disappear, as he has done many times before? This is... I think I understand the appeal of needlessly delving in their emotional quandries. It just works. There is so much meat to dig into."
JR smiles and smiles and smiles as they redefine the very limits of shipping well into the night.