Investigation Request of FRIEND

To: JR of the Quotidian Quorum
From: VB, formerly of the faction of naps
Subject: Investigation Request of FRIEND

Apologies for limited contact. The faction of naps has since disbanded, as none of my fellow members ever awoke from their Mirror Corruption induced naps and I could no longer make rent payments on the office complex we inhabited. Request was sent to the appropriate faction to retrieve the Mirror Corrupted members.

I am now in a factionless nomadic living situation under the dumpster of the “East Branch Library'' in [REDACTED] Florida, an indeterminate amount of spatial units away from the universe anchor location of Disney World. (Dubious spatial conditions makes common Quotidian nomadic patterns difficult to execute.) 

[SMALL TALK CONCLUDED]

I request a formal investigation to be made on the entity known as FRIEND.

I had sought, outside of any decision from the Quotidian Quorum, to interfere and bring over an the extradimensional entity known as FRIEND to the Echidna Universe. This was done for the aid their semi omniscience could provide for antimemetic cognitohazard investigations of the creature [REDACTED] and of the individual of [REDACTED]. 

However, over the course of the conversation with FRIEND and my continuous investigation of the Bellor letters retrieved from the puzzlebox, I had discovered there may be multiple FRIEND entities. This existence of multiple FRIEND entities also seemed outside of the FRIEND’s omniscience. I offer my investigations on the multiple FRIEND entities to be traded with FRIEND for any information the Quotidian Quorum may require. 

Below is my investigative notes on the matter.

Commonalities between FRIEND entities. 

Each entity seems deliberately divorced from the concept of identity:

• Does not have an individualized name (same moniker used amongst entities) and generally restricted use of first person pronouns.
• The iconography of a face may replace the individualized look of the entities’ original faces. 

Each entity seems to have some form of operable semi omniscience:

• knowledge of facts that have not been shared in any capacity, including those of thoughts of deific noncommunicative entities (Rahastas). 
• knowledge of facts under antimemetic effects (name of Al Daric President)
• lack of knowledge of other FRIEND entities

Each entity seems to communicate for transactional purposes:

• both offer facts or artifacts for the completion of designated tasks

Each entity seems to require odd means of receiving correspondence:

• feeding letter to an animal of specific requirements
• burning or destroying of letter under specific conditions

Differences between FRIEND entities.

For the purpose of clarity, the FRIEND I sought to contact that had been in contact with the Quotidian Quorum of Bellor is referred to as “the FRIEND.” And the FRIEND entity primarily in communication with Bellor Bestie Vulkerath Soot-Scale as “a FRIEND.”

“the FRIEND”

• Proper grammatical usage of capitalizations aside from the moniker FRIEND. 
• Speaks generally in short, pithy sentences or sentence fragments
• occasional longer sentences for explanations or answers. 

“a FRIEND”

• Usage of all or mostly capitalized words.
• Informal manner of speech and inconsistent spelling
• Dialect of a “used car salesman” or of “an invasive advertisement”

Quotations of dialectic differences between “the FRIEND” and “a FRIEND”

“the FRIEND”

• Hello, I am FRIEND. FRIEND offers rewards for tasks. FRIEND has many rewards.
  
  FRIEND can give money, knowledge, or artifacts. 
  
  (First Letter to JR, September)
  
  
• If I write a promise in my blood, it means I cannot break that promise. I want you to be comfortable. I want you to trust. FRIEND will help you, if you let FRIEND. 
  
  (Second Letter to JR, September)
  
  
• While FRIEND practices no mind control or mind binding, FRIEND does offer promises/threats of services and/or violence in exchange for services. 
  
  (First Letter to JR, December)

“a FRIEND”

• I AM FRIEND
  
  THIS IS A SPECIAL OFFER ONE TIME ONE TIME ONLY FROM FRIEND
  
  ACT NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!!!
  
  SUPPLIES AND WEALTH AND MONEY AND MAGIC AND MOREEE WILL COME TO YOU IF YOU DO THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK
  
  ONE WEIRD TRICK IS: DO WHAT I ASK YOU TOO 
  
  (First Letter to Vulkerath Soot-Scale, September)
  
  
• pLZ FIND OUT IF RAHASTAS HAS SPOKEN ABOUT ME AM CURIOUS 
  
  (Second Letter to Vulkerath Soot-Scale, September)

Questions

1. By what means do FRIEND entities come into existence?
2. By what means do FRIEND entities gain their knowledge?
3. For what purpose do FRIEND entities offer their transactions?